As Morrissey once said during an amazing performance of The Smiths' song 'Big Mouth' (Live at Earl's Court): The past is a strange place. My curation and edits of the following collection of poems try to preserve the raw authenticity of my earlier works.

From the tragic loss of a beloved partner in 1994 to the rigors of a mandatory military service, from credulous college years to first steps in wrong career moves, the collection reflects a young man dealing with coming out and the inevitable loss of innocence in America. The former young man on display here is now comfortably enjoying his mid-life crisis by looking back and un-pausing memories during a pandemic induced lockdown in New York City.

These are reflections of tumultuous beginnings and, at times, hilarious false starts; snippets of a queer artist's adult life as it eerily unfolds. As a queer American citizen of Turkish descent—a notion that might well be a Republican's worst nightmare—the poems cover a gamut of experiences including the early years of a life without much familial support. After having received a full scholarship from Berklee College of Music, a self-imposed exile of sorts was self-inflicted; navigating many a low-paying job to make ends meet and combating homophobia both at home and in my adopted land.

Looking back, I still have tremendous affection for this young man, even though I was pretty hard on him back in the day. It's been hard to shake off the perils of the so-called American dream, not to mention warding off capitalist seductions of yesteryears. But he did it. He worked hard to be a good writer, musician, producer and unapologetic truth-teller. I should have said this many years ago: I do love him. For he was a good kid and a fine young queer man.

T.J. (April, 2020) T.J. Armand, is a New York City based Turkish-American writer and musician. "Self-Imposed Exile—Poems of Queer Beginnings," features 56 selected poems reflecting his early works. (Source: TJArmand.com)