Behind the polished exterior and daily routines, many of us are fighting private emotional and spiritual battles—longing for healing, comfort, identity, and significance.

But instead of turning to Jesus, we often run to coping mechanisms like food, relationships, work, or addiction.

In this powerful episode, we explore how true freedom comes through complete surrender, and how to identify and release the “crutches” that may be holding you back.

Whether you’ve tried counseling that left your faith out of the process or are searching Scripture for answers but still feel stuck—this episode offers a life-changing invitation to surrender and experience deep, lasting healing.

TIMESTAMPS

• 01:14 – Introduction: The hidden struggle behind the smile
• 02:10 – First step in healing
• 03:20 – Emotional needs: identity, comfort, security, significance
• 03:34 – Common coping mechanisms we run to instead of Christ
• 04:19 – The spiritual consequence of relying on substitutes
• 04:47 – Biblical examples of full surrender: Elisha, Peter & Andrew
• 05:40 – Reflective questions: What are you holding back from God?
• 06:37 – Quick Recap
• 06:57 – Final encouragement: Choose Life Challenge
• 07:44 - Is surrender to the Lord a new concept for you?

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Many emotional and spiritual struggles remain hidden behind outward strength and busyness.
• We all desire deep needs—comfort, security, significance—but often seek them in unhealthy or incomplete ways.
• Coping mechanisms can become emotional and spiritual “crutches” that prevent us from fully leaning on Jesus.
• Surrender is not just a one-time event; it’s a daily decision to trust God fully, in every area of life.
• True freedom and healing are only found when we let go of substitutes and choose full dependence on Christ.
• Biblical surrender is often radical and without a backup plan—just wholehearted trust.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

Keys to Freedom Study by Mercy Multiplied

DISCOVER:

https://discover.lwf.org/3-circles/#design

https://www.lwf.org/discover-jesus

https://www.gotquestions.org/take-up-your-cross.htmlHow to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

🔍 Episode Overview:

Ever had an outsized reaction and wondered, “Why did that hit me so hard?” You're not alone—and it might have more to do with your roots than the moment itself. In this episode, we explore whether healing requires revisiting the past, using the powerful metaphor of a tree: roots, trunk, and branches. We’ll talk about how belief systems are formed, how wounds become lies, and how true healing happens—not through behavior management, but through heart-level transformation with Jesus.

⏱️ Timestamps:

• 02:22 – The Tree Metaphor: Roots (events), trunk (beliefs), and branches (behaviors) explained
• 05:13 – Do We Have to Dig Into the Past?: Yes…and no (and why that’s good news)
• 05:52 – What Healing Actually Looks Like: From behavior modification to root transformation
• 06:19 – God's Timing & Triggers: How God reveals what needs healing
• 07:09 – Recap
• 08:26 - Practical Challenge: One step you can take this week toward healing

✅ Key Takeaways:

• Our lives are like trees: behaviors (branches) grow from beliefs (trunk), which are nourished by life experiences (roots).
• Many unhealthy behaviors are rooted in lies we believed during painful moments.
• True healing doesn't come from just "chopping off" bad behaviors—it comes from letting God transform the roots.
• We don’t have to obsessively dig through our past. God reveals what needs to be healed, in His timing.
• Emotional triggers are not random—they’re often clues pointing to deeper roots that need attention and truth.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

📖 Resources Mentioned:

• Keys to Freedom Bible study – Mercy Multiplied
• https://mercymultiplied.com/keys-to-freedom

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://becomingunhindered.com

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

📋 Episode Summary:

Ever have big emotions or anxious thoughts crash your day—or your bedtime? In today’s episode, I’m sharing a powerful mental health tool that my clients absolutely love: the Container Exercise. It’s a simple, Jesus-centered strategy that helps you pause, contain, and return to overwhelming thoughts or feelings—without stuffing them or pretending they’re not there.

We’ll also unpack:

• The real purpose of emotions from a faith-based perspective
• The danger of ignoring or stuffing emotions
• What it means to “contain” vs. “avoid”
• A trauma-informed, Jesus-centered visualization exercise to manage emotions
• Why this tool is especially helpful at bedtime, during stress, or when you’re short on time

If you’re tired of being ruled by your emotions—or if racing thoughts are wrecking your sleep—you’re in the right place.

TIMESTAMPS

• 01:27 - Purpose of emotions
• 02:05 - Emotions need attention
• 03:08 – What Scripture says about feelings and self-control
• 03:50 - When big emotions show up at inconvenient times
• 04:45 – Difference between containing and stuffing
• 05:15 – Step-by-step to handle big emotion
• 08:10 - Container Exercise (with Jesus!)
• 12:03 - Recap
• 12:53 – Choose Life Challenge: Try this Container Exercise again today...and before bed tonight

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Emotions are data.

Emotions don't make good leaders for our lives or decisions.

Learn to contain emotion, rather than stuff or avoid. When you contain emotion, you set an appointment with yourself to process the emotion (and whatever's behind it) for a later time, when you can give it your full attention.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Mentioned in This Episode:

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

Container Exercise – From Dr. Ricky Greenwald (Trauma Institute NY), with Christ-centered twist

https://www.gotquestions.org/managing-emotions.html

📲 Don’t Miss:

• Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode!
• Share this episode with a friend who struggles with racing thoughts or emotional overwhelm
• Tag me on Instagram @becomingunhindered if this tool helps you!

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In this final episode of our cognitive distortion series, we explore “should statements”—those internal messages that often sound like “I should be better by now” or “I shouldn’t struggle with this.” Rooted in shame and self-judgment, these thoughts disconnect us from grace and distort how we see ourselves and God. We’ll learn how to identify these lies, reframe them with truth, and step into the freedom Jesus offers.

TIMESTAMPS

• 01:20 – What Are “Should” Statements?
• Cognitive distortion defined; how “shoulds” manifest in thought patterns
• 01:33 – The Shame Connection
• Why “shoulds” often lead to hiding, striving, and spiritual disconnection
• 01:58 – Whose Voice Is It?
• Identifying the inner critic: parent, culture, past authority, or enemy?
• 02:22 – Reframing with Gospel Truth
• Examples of common “shoulds” vs. biblical responses rooted in grace
• 02:44 – From Performance to Presence
• We don’t clean ourselves up to come to God—He meets us as we are
• 04:44 – God’s Voice vs. the Inner Critic
• Conviction vs. condemnation; God’s nearness and kindness
• 05:43 – Key Steps for Healing
• Awareness, reframing, confession, and dependence on the Holy Spirit
• 07:35 – Final Thoughts + Recap of Series
• Cognitive distortions don’t mean you’re weak—they mean you’re human
• Renewing the mind is a lifelong journey, and you’re not alone in it

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• “Shoulds” are internalized judgments that create shame, not growth
• They often reflect others’ expectations—not God's voice
• God's conviction draws us near in relationship, not in isolation
• Healing comes through confession, dependence, and grace-based reframing
• You don't need to fix yourself to be loved—God already welcomes you

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

A Small Book about Why We Hide: How Jesus Rescues Us from Insecurity, Regret, Failure, and Shame by Dr. Ed Welch

https://a.co/d/g9ciOsD

NEXT EPISODE:

Tune in for a trauma-informed practical strategy I've used with myself, my family, and my clients that contains the anxiety, big emotions, and obsessive or spiraling thoughts, so you can enjoy a break from the non-stop noise in your head.

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s keeping you stuck or holding you back from who you were created to be.

Welcome back! In today’s episode, we’re continuing our series on cognitive distortions—those automatic, often false thought patterns that twist how we see ourselves, others, and even God. This week, we’re talking about one of the most common and damaging distortions: Labeling.

Labeling is when we assign a negative identity to ourselves or someone else based on a single moment, mistake, or behavior—like saying “I’m a failure,” “She’s selfish,” or “He’s lazy.” Over time, these labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies, shaping our choices, emotions, relationships, and even our spiritual lives.

But there’s hope: we’re not defined by our worst moments or what others say about us. We’re defined by who God says we are. In this episode, we’ll explore how to identify labeling thoughts, challenge them with truth, and walk in freedom.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:20] Cognitive distortions as twisted mental filters

[02:03] What Labeling is—and why it’s such a powerful cognitive distortion

[02:45] Real-life examples of how labeling shows up in relationships, parenting, and self-talk

[03:18] How negative labels become internalized and affect our identity, decision-making, and spiritual growth

[04:53] Signs you may be stuck in labeling language (like “always,” “never,” “I’m such a…”)

[05:27] 3 Tips for identifying labels

[06:41] What Scripture says about the power of our words—and why it matters

[08:25] How to find freedom from false labels

[09:38] Choose Life Challenge

1. Labels Aren’t Just Words—They’re Identity Shapers - Discover how one offhand comment or inner criticism can silently shape how you see yourself, your choices, and even your worth. Are you unknowingly living under a false identity?
2. The Words You Speak (Even in Your Head) Carry Spiritual Weight - Learn why Scripture says your tongue has the power of life and death—and how negative labels can block the freedom Jesus died to give you.
3. Healing Begins with One Powerful Question - Before you label yourself or someone else, ask this: Is this really true… or just one moment I’m turning into a name? Find out how this simple shift can begin renewing your mind and restoring your parenting, relationships, and self-talk.
4. Labels (and lies) have no power unless we choose to believe them.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

NEXT EPISODE:

Ever feel overwhelmed by all the 'shoulds' in your life? Join us next week as we uncover how to...

In this episode, we’re diving into the world of cognitive distortions—those automatic thought patterns that feel true in the moment but aren't grounded in reality. Specifically, we’re focusing on catastrophizing—when your brain jumps to the worst-case scenario with little (or no) evidence.

From social anxiety to spiritual discouragement, we explore how these distorted thoughts can fuel fear, anxiety, and insecurity—and keep us stuck in emotional and spiritual bondage. But there's hope. You can renew your mind, quiet your soul, and walk in the peace Jesus died to give you.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:05] What cognitive distortions are and why they matter

[02:30] How catastrophizing shows up in everyday life

[03:30] Real-life examples that may sound way too familiar

[04:27] Why our thought life deeply affects our emotions, actions, and spiritual health

[05:43] 4 powerful steps (plus a bonus step!) to take every thought captive and replace lies with God’s truth

[07:50] Encouragement and practical steps to walk in peace, not panic

1. Not Every Thought is True - Cognitive distortions like catastrophizing feel real, but that doesn’t make them true. Just because a thought pops into your head doesn’t mean it deserves your agreement.
2. Your Thought Life Shapes Your Spiritual Life - When you constantly expect the worst, it robs you of peace and fuels fear. Taking thoughts captive is a spiritual practice that leads to freedom.
3. You Can Learn to Quiet Your Soul - You can interrupt anxious thought patterns, calm your emotions, set your mind on God, and experience His peace—even in the middle of life’s chaos.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

NEXT EPISODE:

Join us next week, as we’re talking about another cognitive distortion: labeling. Ever mess up and immediately call yourself a failure, a mess, or the worst? That’s labeling—and it’s way more damaging than we think. Next episode, we’re breaking down why you’re more than the name your inner critic gives you.

As always, I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

Ever missed one workout and felt like a failure, so you skipped the remaining workouts that week? Or maybe one mistake has you convinced you're an absolute failure?

Welcome to the exhausting world of All-or-Nothing Thinking—a sneaky cognitive distortion that traps us in extremes and keeps us stuck in shame, burnout, and unrealistic expectations.

In this episode, we’ll unpack:

• What All-or-Nothing Thinking looks like in everyday life
• How it impacts our emotions, habits, and even our spiritual walk
• The biblical truth that sets us free from toxic perfectionism
• How to identify and replace distorted thoughts

We’re flipping the switch from black-and-white thinking. Tune in to learn how to tear down mental strongholds, embrace the “middle ground,” and start walking in freedom—one captured thought at a time.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:08] Cognitive Distortions and thinking errors

[02:20] What All-or-Nothing Thinking looks like in everyday life

[04:20] How it impacts our emotions, habits, and even our spiritual walk

[06:04] The biblical truth that sets us free from toxic perfectionism

[07:17] How to identify and replace distorted thoughts

KEY TAKEAWAYS

To identify All or Nothing Thinking: listen for extremes: "I hate...," "The is the best/worst...," "I/you always/never," "Everyone/no one"

We don't overcome negative thoughts by choosing not to think about them.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

NEXT EPISODE:

Catastrophizing - If your brain loves jumping to the worst-case scenario, grab your emotional parachute—we’re diving in!

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.

In this episode, we’re launching a brand-new series on cognitive distortions—those sneaky thinking habits that twist reality and sabotage our peace. First up: Mind Reading. Nope, not the superpower kind—the kind where you assume others are judging you, mad at you, or talking about you… with zero actual proof.

We’ll unpack why this common thought trap is so emotionally draining, how it affects our mental and spiritual health, and give you practical (and biblical!) tools to stop the spiral. It’s time to take your thoughts captive, believe the best about others, and retrain your brain for freedom.

TIMESTAMPS

[01:19] What cognitive distortions are & why they matter

[03:10] How mind reading shows up in everyday life

[03:34] The emotional toll of assumption-based thinking

[04:33] When “reading the room” is helpful vs. harmful

[05:56] Biblical wisdom for transforming your thoughts

[08:07] 5 practical ways to stop mind reading and start living free

[10:39] Choose Life Challenge

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Mind reading is a common cognitive distortion — It happens when we assume we know what others are thinking—especially when we assume it's something negative about us—without real evidence.

These assumptions are usually wrong and emotionally draining — They lead to anxiety, insecurity, social avoidance, hurt feelings, or even conflict… all based on guesswork.

Your thoughts aren’t always facts — Just because it feels true doesn’t mean it is true. Feelings are real, but they’re not always reliable indicators of truth.

The Bible encourages renewing your mind — Scripture calls us to take thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5), think on what’s true (Phil. 4:8), and believe the best about others (1 Cor. 13:7).

Most people aren’t thinking about you that much — And that’s actually freeing. People are generally caught up in their own worlds—not obsessing over yours.

DISCLAIMER

I am a licensed professional counselor, however this podcast (and the info shared on my blogs and social media) is not therapy. It is for informational purposes only; this is not a professional therapy relationship; and it is not personal advice to your specific situation. If you wonder whether professional counseling may be helpful for you in this season of life, check out this article that outlines when you might need to seek the help of a professional counselor and how to find a good one: https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

LINKS

DeRubeis, R. J., Hollon, S. D., Amsterdam, J. D., Shelton, R. C., Young, P. R., Salomon, R. M., ... & Gallop, R. (2005). Cognitive therapy vs medications in the treatment of moderate to severe depression. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(4), 409–416. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpsyc.62.4.409

How to Find a Christian Counselor:

https://shelleyspence.com/how-to-find-a-christian-counselor

Sign up for my Inner Circle newsletter:

Https://shelleyspence.com

NEXT EPISODE:

I’m cheering you on as you break free from what’s holding you back and keeping you stuck.