Understanding Adoption and Its Effects on Adoptees with Patrick Armstrong

Patrick is an intercountry, transracial, Korean American adoptee. He was born in Korea and then adopted by a white family in the United States. Patrick had all he wanted while growing up, but it felt like something was missing.

For the first 30 years of Patrick's life, he lived in a state of rejection of his Asian and Korean identities and worthiness. He was fighting to fit in. At 30, he had the wake-up call that got him in a state of reclamation.

In this episode, Patrick shares his experience as an adoptee, how it affected him and how he is dealing with it today. Also, Patrick shares how he has been on a journey to find his first family.

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

• What does "Born on Third" mean to Patrick?
• What base does Patrick think he was born on?
• How Patrick handled rejection
• Was Jackie Chan an inappropriate representation of Korean culture?
• Patrick's attempt to fit in as a white 
• Positive and negative experiences with adoption.
• Same-race adoption
• Finding your family and their history
• How Patrick learned the Korean culture
• Advice to white parents looking to adopt a child
• Inclusion in adoption
• Mirror moments
• The gaslighting of adoptees as adults
• Patrick's thoughts on adoption as a whole

Quotes from the Episode:

"We want to be part of this culture and fit into this community. But at the end of the day, if it comes at the expense of who we are, we're never going to fit in."

"I think for many people adoption, like that connection to culture ends once you've been adopted."

"There is a one in a billion chance that I’ll ever get answers to why was I adopted, why was I given up"

"…separated from your family, separated from your country of origin…It’s tough"

Connect with Patrick Armstrong: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickintheworld/ 

Website: https://www.patrickintheworld.me/ 

 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrickarmstrong219/ 

In this episode, Katherine Martin, author of the book The Colorful Image of God, joins me to talk about social injustice and how she challenges White Christians with the disconnect between their belief in “imago Dei” and the injustices that Black people, and other People of Color, face today. Katherine shares her thoughts on being born on the 3rd, how her father’s death changed her life, her inspiration to write her book, white culture and Christianity and how we can use white privilege differently. 

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

[05:27] How the death of Katherine’s father affected her

[17:36] What inspired Katherine to write the book

[27:22] Was Jesus white?

[32:47] The Bible is not black and white. It is gray

[39:23] Understanding white culture

[51:39] How to use privilege in a different way

[01:02:03] What’s wrong with the culture of white privilege?

Quotes from the Episode:

“The Bible is a reflection of the hands that hold it.”

“People don’t believe what you say unless you prove it.”

“Whiteness is the norm or likes the dominant culture, and then everything else is different. And compared against whiteness.”

“We do the best we can until we know better. And once we know better, we do better.”

“If we want all people to be able to live their best and fullest lives, and then there are things that we can do to help create more access and opportunity every day in our choices for that to be true.”

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

https://katherinelearns.com/

https://katherinelearns.com/book/

https://a.co/d/15yNl96

How would you feel if someone discriminated in public and no one came to your rescue? Would you have the courage to stand up for yourself?

In this episode of Born on 3rd podcast, I have the privilege of hosting the amazing Monique Kelley. She recently became an associate professor at Boston University's College of Communication. She's the faculty advisor for the university's award-winning Public Relations Student Society of America chapter. She's also an entrepreneur, the founder of Monique Kelley Consulting, and a founding member of the Women's executive organization called chief.

Monique grew up in New Jersey with her Iranian mom and Black dad from Trenton. Growing up, Monique had room to be independent and autonomous. Monique is a strong believer that you are what you tell yourself. Growing up, she challenged herself to do many things, especially in sports, even when she knew it wasn't her stronghold.

In this episode, we dig deeper into understanding how we can have intentional diversity and inclusion.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

• Inaction is inexcusable: If you see or hear something racist, sexist, homophobic, or offensive, you must act. Being silent by the standard is signaling your approval.
• Putting fancy inclusive words up on a sign or painting them on the wall in an office to put them in an employee handbook does not make an organization inclusive.
• Take time to learn about other people's cultures. It will help you understand them better.

Quotes from the Episode:

"I'm a strong believer in you are what you tell your mind."- Monique Kelley

"Belonging is accepting people for who they are."- Tim

"Stop focusing so much on what you don't have and focus on what you do have and how you can add value."- Monique

"Any negative energy or negative experience that I have, I'd like just to flip it on its head and use it as fuel."- Monique

Connect with Monique Kelley:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/moniquekelleygigliotti/ 

Welcome back to another installment of Born On Third, this week on the show I welcome Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko to discuss her journey from growing up in the dugout to winning the whole game. Coleen was raised by two abusive parents with mental deficiencies and addiction. Though her childhood was rough, the lessons learned from that experience were even greater. She used her life-tools to raise two happy children, one of which is transgender. Coleen is a true example of resilience, grit, and wisdom.

Key Takeaways:

• Coming to terms of an abusive/hard past is the first step to moving forward with life
• People in the LGBT community are 4x more likely to commit suicide than their cis peers. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in ages 10-24.
• You are born with the toolbox your parents passed down to you; whether those tools are broken or not it is your responsibility to heal from trauma

Episode Highlights:

[00:52] Introduction to Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko

[03:03] What base were you born on?

[07:32] Born with your parent’s toolbox

[13:11] Starting the healing process

[17:50] Finding the perfect balance when raising children

[22:35] Changes in the family

[32:00] Naming your child again

[37:08] Loving a child that is trans

[47:00] Educate yourself about the LGBT community

[51:13] Fighting to change policies

[53:12] What base are you on now?

[55:00] Outro

The Trevor Project

In this episode of Born on 3rd, I welcome Matt Driscoll, an award-winning tattoo artist, entrepreneur, and Co-Owner of 9th Realm Tattoo and Art Gallery in Salem, MA. Listen in as Matt and I talk about how he’s bringing light into the world through the art of tattooing along with his candid thoughts on how society views people with tattoos.

We discuss how Matt’s upbringing in Southern California has impacted his art, why he moved out to the East Coast, and how the culture differs from SoCal culture. He speaks on why he got into art and his path to becoming a tattoo artist and shop owner. Matt highlights his relationship with money, wealth, and success, how his parents’ absence affected his life, and his challenging experience raising his little sister.

Then, he reflects on the increasing acceptance of tattoos in America juxtaposed with the ever-present discrimination of people based on their skin color.

“Even if my subject matter is dark, I want to bring some light into this world, so everything I do is like bright-colored. I just always try to put emotion in things, man, I love it. I want to make someone feel something by looking at an image.” – Matt Driscoll

Remember to support your local artists!

Connect with Matt Driscoll:

Check out Matt’s art on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raptorlazer

Support and connect with Born on 3rd Podcast:

Visit our website: https://www.bornon3rd.com

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bo3rdpodcast

Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/bo3rdpodcast

Follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BO3rdPodcast

Subscribe to Born on 3rd for more episodes like this & Rate/Review it so we can grow and reach more people!

Welcome back to another installment of Born On Third, this week on the show I am joined by Co-founder of Kind Cotton - Kaitlin Johnstone. During her days as an educator Kaitlin noticed a lot of underrepresentation in the books she was teaching. The demographic in her classroom did not reflect the characters in the books being used, so together with her husband she sought to change that. Fast forward to 2022 Kind Cotton has donated over 52,000 books with their goal only growing and their reach expanding!

Key Takeaways:

Even in school districts with a high demographic of black and Hispanic students, the curriculum was not representative of them or their culture

The impact education has on early childhood developments makes a huge a difference in your educational journey; from traditional knowledge to social sills

Hate is taught – it is paramount to actively teach children to be anti-racist otherwise at an early age they begin to associate with other kids who look like them

Episode Highlights:

[00:51] Introduction to Kaitlin

[03:47] What base were you born on?

[08:11] Starting Kind Cotton

[11:42] Kids starting at home base

[17:55] Guidelines and themes of books donated

[21:15] Legislation in Florida

[26:00] Going against the grain

[35:11] Responsibility of change falls on white people

[37:39] Purchasing Kind Cotton books

[42:27] Recommended books

[45:20] Starting a reading program

[48:31] How can people support Kind Cotton?

[54:38] What base do you think you are on now?

[56:33] Outr0

Quotes:

“It’s hard for people to step back and outside of themselves”

“My third year into teaching I started recognizing that a lot of children didn’t have access to books – they especially didn’t have access to books in which they felt seen, valued and loved”

“Teachers make more decisions than brain surgeons on a daily basis which is why there’s so much tremendous mental burnout in education”

“We want children to feel seen regardless of where they come from, what their culture is, or what their parent’s sexual orientation is”

“Books should be windows and mirrors”

Learn more about Kind Cotton here

Follow Kaitlin on IG at @kindcotton

Welcome back to another episode of Born on Third, today on the show I am joined by Lonnie Brewer to discuss his experience growing up on first base and parenting. Lonnie is an H.R. consultant, a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Consultant, and has his own podcast underway titled On Becoming Bulletproof.

Growing up with three sisters and a mother who continually worked at least two jobs, Lonnie felt the responsibility to be the man of the house, even at five years old. He shares the stark transition from living in a dangerous area with no racism to a safer white neighborhood with overt racism. Lonnie’s experience navigating different layers of poverty has shaped him into the resilient father he is today with wisdom that can only be taught through sharing his experience. 

Key Takeaways:

• Being poor versus being broke is all about the mindset. Being poor is a mindset while being broke is an economic condition
• Saying the word “can’t” holds deeper connotation than what appears on the surface; it signifies surrendering, reluctance, and weakness
• The passive racist; a person who enjoys the privileges from a system that oppresses others and does nothing about it

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction to Lonnie Brewer

[02:33] What base were you born on?

[07:21] The unwritten rules of the wealthy

[12:04] Background growing up

[18:41] Moving to Springfield

[20:18] Broke vs poor

[21:26] How do you teach resilience?

[27:19] Role modeling

[30:00] What parts of childhood help you as a parent?

[34:17] The passive racist

[37:41] Meeting your father

[45:00] A purest at heart

[48:55] Lessons to pass on

[54:35] What base are you on now?

[58:29] Outro

Quotes:

• “Wow, so that’s what it looks like to grow up with privilege – you don’t really feel like rules apply to you”
• “When I was 11 years old I was jumped by 6 guys”
• “My life could have easily gone in the other direction; I feel fortunate just to be alive”
• “Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me, show me and I’ll learn”
• “I had to learn how to be a man without the benefit of having one in my life”