Now that Father Time has allowed one more year to pass, and Santa has been banished to his ice prison until next solstice, it's time to visit our favorite memory from this holiday season: Nosferatu, AKK Robert Eggers Presents "This Ain't Dracula: A XXX Symphony of Horror." Stalk the stone paths of turn-of-the-century Germany alongside The BOP Suitors as Lilly Rose-Depp's star-making performance ties together an all-star cast, including Bill Skarsgaard at his most uncanny, Willem Dafoe at his most grave, Nicolas Hoult at his most dandy, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson at his most obsessed with his wife. Along their stroll they'll discuss the appeal of the Nosferatu iteration of familiar vampire lore and how Eggers plays with those expectations, rank the stars of Dracula Cinema by their fashion and sex appeal, and scour forgotten lore to determine how exactly Orlok traveled by boat to a landlocked country.

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Scoop out the guts, carve out the eyes, scoop out the guts... oh, hello there! Dont mind me, just preparing the family's plus-sized gourd for Big-Ass Pumpkin Day, the only remaining holiday Hallmark hasn't gotten its grubby fingers on! This year's attraction is a slasher movie so you better believe we found it on Tubi, 2011's Beg. Its the provocative story of a small-town cop and his favorite clone batch tracking down a serial killer with a pumpkin on his head, murder on his mind, and... a shifting ethnicity? What? Join the crew for a commentary as murky as the woods this was filmed in, where Tony Todd finds himself entangled in middle-American domestic drama and also a stab man, they spend a bold amount of time discussing sexual awakenings via the Slenderverse, and Cody once again makes an ungodly mess on his desk in the name of spookiness.

BUY A ROUND FOR DET. SHOTGUN CIGAR.

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It is 2006. I am watching Hugh Jackman's last appearance as Wolverine. It is 2017. I am watching Hugh Jackman's last appearance as Wolverine. It is 2024. I am writing a description of the BOP crew's episode on Deadpool & Wolverine, the former's introduction to the MCU, and the latter's last dance with a beloved actor... who are we kidding, he's doing this till he's 90. Does Ryan Reynolds still bring the Van Wilder charm as Marvel's new golden boy, or is it too late for the Multiverse Saga: Now With Less Kang? How does a character often defined by an inferiority complex work as a mouthpiece for a dying era of film? And just how hard did those credits make us cry? Wade wouldn't give you answers, so neither are we.

Hey... remember when Deadpool's caption boxes ended up being Madcap? Wild times!

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