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What do negotiating with kidnappers and talking to your teenager have in common?

Everything!

In this episode, we sit down with Scott Walker, one of the world’s most experienced kidnap-for-ransom and crisis negotiators, to explore what high-stakes hostage negotiation can teach us about everyday conversations. With over 300 successful cases under his belt, Scott now trains leaders at Apple, Amazon, the UN, and beyond.

Whether you're negotiating a deal, a deadline, or dinner, Scott’s wisdom will help you regulate better, listen smarter, and get more of what matters — without a fight.

We should have titled this episode "What can a hostage negotiator teach us about negotiating at work, while parenting, and during high-pressure conversations?" 😄

We talk with Scott about:

• Why “negotiation” isn’t just for boardrooms
• The 3 types of conversation (and how to spot them)
• Why most of us misunderstand the type of conversation we’re in
• The one mindset shift that makes you a better communicator overnight
• How to regulate your emotions mid-conflict (aka “Paws (pause). Toes. Choose.”)
• Why assumptions are expensive, and listening is cheap
• How to deal with difficult people without losing your cool

This episode is packed with tools, stories, and sticky metaphors that will change the way you communicate – from pirates to partners.

Running Order:

• 00:09 – Why most of us struggle with conversations
• 01:06 – Introductions - Scott Walker: hostage negotiator turned leadership coach
• 02:25 – Negotiation as purposeful conversation
• 03:51 – What pirates and teenagers have in common
• 05:06 – Assumptions: the expensive earplugs blocking real communication
• 06:45 – The three types of conversation: practical, emotional, and identity-driven
• 11:32 – When your identity feels under threat
• 12:25 – Regulating your emotions under pressure
• 13:53 – Scott’s first major mistake — and the colleague who saved him
• 15:58 – Managing emotional triggers: observe, don’t absorb
• 20:14 – Better conversations start with better self-awareness
• 21:55 – “Pause. Reflect. Choose.” — a technique for staying grounded
• 25:27 – The importance of practising calm before you need it
• 29:14 – Taking ownership of your emotions (and outcomes)
• 30:06 – How to deal with difficult people (egos, narcissists, manipulators)
• 32:22 – Trump vs Zelensky: a lesson in how not to have a conversation
• 35:30 – Warmth cues, head tilts, and how we signal we’re listening
• 37:02 – Scott’s “antennae” approach to reading the room
• 40:14 – Why better conversations start in your body (Paws. Toes. Antennae.)
• 42:10 – Trust as the cornerstone of any successful negotiation
• 43:49 – When the relationship matters more than the outcome
• 45:35 – The five levels of listening — and why most people never get past level two
• 48:50 – Why what and how questions are better than why
• 52:16 – The power of silence (and why we find it so uncomfortable)
• 53:08 – How to sound human, not robotic
• 55:22 – How to negotiate under pressure — in real time
• 57:03 – Scott’s parting advice: ditch the excuses, do the work

Links

> Scott’s books – Eye of The Storm (out 8 May 2025) and Order Out of Chaos can be purchased here: https://amzn.eu/d/5T0dasf

> Thrive under pressure course - May 20 thriveunderpressure.co.

> Sign up for Scott’s newsletter here: https://winanynegotiation.com/pages/contact

> Follow Scott on

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Turn Missteps into Meaningful Conversations with Dr. Victoria Stakelum

We all hate being wrong. It feels uncomfortable, sometimes even threatening. But what if being wrong wasn’t something to fear but an opportunity for connection, learning, and deeper conversations?

In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and NLP Master Coach, joins us again to unpack the complexity of wrongness - why it triggers such strong emotions, how societal norms shape our ideas of right and wrong, and what to do when we (inevitably) get something wrong.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why wrongness is often subjective and why that matters.
• The emotional weight of admitting you’re wrong (and how to handle it).
• How curiosity can turn disagreements into meaningful discussions.
• The best way to challenge someone else’s wrongness - without making them defensive.
• Why separating identity from opinion makes for better conversations.
• Practical strategies for handling workplace disagreements, difficult conversations, and public missteps.

Whether you’re navigating a tough conversation at work, dealing with differing worldviews, or just trying to be less reactive when someone calls you out, this episode will help you reframe wrongness and use it as a tool for better communication.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

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How to Read the Room and Communicate Better at Work with Dr. Victoria Stakelum

Ever wish you could read minds in meetings or knew what someone else was thinking? While telepathy might be out of reach, understanding emotions, body language, and unspoken cues is a skill you can develop - and it can completely transform your workplace interactions.

In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and subconscious mind specialist, reveals the science of mind reading - or rather, how to truly read the room, anticipate responses, and adapt your communication for better results.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why mind reading starts with understanding yourself.
• How to spot the subtle nonverbal cues that reveal what people are really thinking.
• The hidden emotional undercurrents in workplace conversations (and how to navigate them).
• Why people rarely say what they mean - and how to uncover their true concerns.
• How self-awareness helps you filter out biases and avoid misreading situations.
• Practical techniques for improving emotional intelligence and workplace communication.
• The work of Marshall Rosenberg - a clinical psychologist who pioneered this approach to promoting empathic dialogue and understanding among all parties. His book is called Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.

Whether you’re negotiating with your boss, leading a team, or just trying to work out what’s really going on in a meeting, this episode will give you lightbulb moments that will change the way you interact at work.

Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.