Unlocking Your Authentic Self: A Deep Dive with Donna Parker on Core Values & Beliefs

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Unlocking Your Authentic Self: A Deep Dive with Donna Parker on Core Values & Beliefs

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Ever feel like you're living a life based on someone else's script? Like there's a disconnect between who you are and who you feel you should be? If so, you're in for a treat with our latest "Flip Your Mindset" episode featuring the incredible Donna Parker. Donna, a seasoned therapist, life coach, educator, and speaker with over 25 years in the mental health field, is the founder of Evolve Coaching, and she’s dedicated her career to guiding individuals and families toward healing and aligning with their authentic selves.This conversation was a powerful exploration of what truly drives us, and how we can tap into our inner wisdom for a more fulfilling existence.Core Values vs. Core Beliefs: The Essential DistinctionOne of the most eye-opening parts of our chat began with a fundamental question: What's the difference between a core belief and a core value? As I often discuss with my clients, core beliefs are the lens through which we see ourselves, others, and the world around us, profoundly influencing our thoughts.Donna introduced a fascinating perspective on values, moving beyond the simplistic "always be nice, don't be mean" idea. She argues that trying to live a "one-sided polarized life" by constantly seeking happiness can actually be a source of human suffering. We are, in fact, meant to be "two-sided individuals" – capable of both kindness and being "cool" (or, as she later elaborates, acknowledging all aspects of ourselves). True growth, she emphasizes, develops on the border of challenge and support. This really resonated with my long-held belief that there's purpose in all pain and a gift in every challenge.Your Life is Already Showing You Your Highest ValuesSo, how do we uncover these authentic values? Donna beautifully explains that our lives arealready demonstrating them. It's about giving ourselves permission to examine what we "choose to do, love to do, desire to do". Unfortunately, many of us are living by "moral imperatives" based on "shoulds" – beliefs injected into us from childhood by preachers, teachers, and coaches, all to stay safe and gain value.Donna shared some brilliant questions to help us tap into our true values:* Where do you spend the majority of your time? What about that work inspires you?* What conversations leave you feeling more energized?* Where do you feel a "tier of inspiration"?* What organization or activity does no one have to remind you to do?* Where will you spend your money, and what does that represent to you?She beautifully illustrates this with her own life: no one has to remind her to speak, teach, or engage in inspiring conversations. Health and fitness have been a core value since she was a little girl. Conversely, she happily delegates cooking and cleaning because they aren't in alignment with her highest priorities. This allows her to "spend more time in creating content and doing what I love and let individuals that are inspired to do that". Imagine the freedom of saying "yes" to what you love and outsourcing the rest!The Roots of "Shoulds" and the Gift of PainWhere do these "shoulds" come from? Donna points to our "moral imperatives" and the fact that "we are domesticated since in the womb". Our physiology is hardwired for survival, to "seek pleasure, avoid pain". Historically, if we didn't "chameleon and fit in with the herd, we literally died". This survival instinct means we're constantly scanning the environment for threats.This leads to a crucial insight: life is constantly guiding us to align with our authentic selves, and sometimes, "the gift of some of the pain" serves as feedback. As I’ve always said, "life is a series of experiences divinely designed for you". It’s in our greatest challenges, the moments that bring us to our knees, that we find the biggest lessons and build resilience. Donna fully agrees, stating, "Every moment in your life is happening for you, not to you".The Self-Reflective Universe and Quantum PrinciplesDonna's work delves into the "self-reflective universe" and quantum physics principles, particularly the law of reflection and transparency. She explains that when we judge others, or when we are "addicted to being admired and praised and liked," we often attract the very opposite – criticism, dislike, and rejection. This isn't punishment, but rather "homeostatic feedback" from life, constantly prompting us to get in alignment with our authentic selves.She shared a powerful example of a woman who, through this process, became grateful for a challenging relationship she initially labeled as "narcissistic and violent". The woman realized she had been in a "disempowered state," not valuing herself or using her voice. The relationship was mirroring her own disowned parts of self, inviting her to step into her worth. This deep work allowed her to see how what she perceived in him was also a reflection within herself. As Donna passionately says, "nothing is missing". We all have wealth in different forms, whether...