Victims and Survivors of CPAN Abuse struggle to find support and be understood.

Members of our support group have been seeking information they can share with loved ones who want to help, but who have little to no real understanding of the issues faced.

Here, we have produced a podcast that realistically discusses issues from both sides of the fence.

Please share with both the loved ones and the victims of CPAN abuse too so that each may better understand the difficulties experienced on both sides of the coin that can negatively influence helpful conversations they might otherwise have.

Knowledge is power. Always.

The ripple effect of the negativity, chaos and confusion in the aftermath of a CPAN's death is further discussed in the third part of the mini-series focussing on issues from the diagnosis of a serious illness, through to death and beyond.

The actions, control and manipulations of an emotionally immature and dysregulated mind can be severely devastating and often continue way beyond the death of a malignant covert narcissist.

Flying Monkeys can run amok and others may be weaponised through multiple and conflicting 'dying wishes' at the expense of a victim leading to ongoing abuse by proxy at the hands of other bereaved people.

A supercharged and highly emotive time is used to cause maximum harm and damage to what is a confused and unknowing victim at the worst of times through loss and grief.

Here, through examples and insights, we explain how some of this comes about and how some people are unwittingly involved in doing what they believe to be the right thing very much at the expense of the victim.

Linked episodes in this mini series:

When A CPAN Falls Seriously Ill

The Terminal Ilness and Death of a CPAN

Disclaimer:

Content is drawn largely from research and the combined experiences of thousands of people impacted by varying degrees of psychological/emotional/narcissistic abuse.

Whilst there is limited reference to personal experience, not all content directly refers to those events or any individual or group of people specifically involved in them.

Part 2 of our mini-series dealing with a CPAN falling seriously ill, through to death and beyond.

How manipulation and control can take shape and continue throughout this time, together with the impact on the already bereaved in terms of endless dilemmas, extremely damaging false narratives and situations of abuse by proxy via grieving relatives and highly motivated Flying Monkeys.

Need to know information and advice about important considerations when trying to decide how best to proceed in a climate of ongoing abuse and dismissiveness at one of the worst times of our lives.

Understanding how some of this comes about as a direct result of the CPAN's actions can help in taking away some of the chaos and confusion during such a devastating time.

Linked episode:

When A CPAN Falls Seriously Ill

Disclaimer

Content is drawn largely from research and the combined experiences of thousands of people impacted by varying degrees of narcissistic abuse. Whilst there is limited reference to personal experience, not all content directly refers to those events or any individual or group of people specifically involved in them.

One of the most difficult situations we will ever face is dealing with a situation where the CPAN becomes seriously/terminally ill, particularly when this involves an elderly relative or intimate partner that we may be considering leaving, or even have already left.

The first in a 3 part series that go on to further discuss death and the fallout of post death of abuse by proxy long after the event:

The isolation and alienation we feel, but don't know why.

The lack of support or compassion for us as we try to come to terms with the significance of a serious diagnosis and as we face the reality of losing a loved one.

The difficult decisions we are left having to make in what are the ultimate in 'no win,' 'double bind' situations

Bereavement without support mechanisms

Grief, Complex Grief, and 'Relief'

Surviving death as the villain of the piece

Red Flag warnings that might indicate narcissistic or CPAN behaviour can very easily become an obsession when we're trying to protect ourselves from future abusive relationships.

We can worry that we either can't ever see those red flags OR we see them everywhere, neither of which is helpful when we're already very confused and afraid of repeating the 'mistake' or abusive cycle.

Whilst they can undoubtedly be helpful at times when not solely relied upon as our only means of defence, they can also be very harmful if not fully considered and used properly, neither being healthy if we potentially see threat everywhere.....or are afraid because we can't see it at all.

Being aware of Red Flag signals and their limitations is hugely important in beginning to address some of these concerns as is having an appreciation of the dynamics at play in ALL relationships. Understanding how these things combine and how they go on to very much directly impact the reliability of Red Flag indicators is fundamentally important to our even thinking about using them in reality.

No relationship is ever solely about one person in it. Relationships are multi-faceted and enormously nuanced, making using any kind of potential indicators of anything highly unpredictable.

Here we take a deeper look at things to be aware of when considering those Red Flags together with those that raise our awareness of the key things to be keeping when working toward protecting ourselves more reliably from future abusive relationships

Leaving any relationship with a person with narcissistic traits is never easy, and is like no other. We find any meaningful communication with them almost impossible and often begin to truly realise for the first time just how disagreeable, obstructive and unreasonable they are.

All previous issues can escalate, some severely as the CPAN may enter a Narcissistic Collapse, or Decompensation, making the situation potentially dangerous in the most severe of cases.

Behind the scenes, financial abuse can escalate alongside false narratives and an accompanying smear campaign. Flying Monkeys often come into play too.

Be as well informed as possible, and stay safe everyone!

Recommended related episodes:

Leaving A CPAN Relationship (What we can expect from them)

Signs of a False Narrative At Play

Why Are CPANs So Disagreeable and Sometimes Vindictive?

Early Warning Signs of Narcissistic Collapse/Decompensation

Closure In A CPAN Relationship

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Cognitive Dissonance & The Trauma Bond (2 part episode)

Flying Monkeys & The Smear Campaign

Future Faking & Toxic Hope

Essential Insight into the possible extent of a negative reaction to loss of supply and control by a CPAN. Just how far can it go?

What is Narcissistic Collapse/Decompensation?

How do we identify it? Early red flag indicators of potential collapses/decompensation that you may already be seeing, but not yet recognising Examples provided understanding the range of emotions that a collapse may involve...it's not just anger and rage issues Linda provides personal examples and insight of early signs through to the final catalyst moment episode where things escalated beyond anything thought imaginable. Don't let being left fighting for your life be your experience! An important insight into the need to consider the potential of this type of escalation as you prepare to end a relationship with a CPAN. Minimise your exposure to a collapse and the potentially serious consequences to yourself and others

TW - BRIEF REFERENCE TO CHILD ABUSE

Why are CPANs so difficult to deal with in day to day life?

Why do they react so badly to seemingly very little?

My CPAN is always 'offended'...why?

Once a relationship is coming to an end, why are some so focussed on causing upset, grief and pain?

Why must they always feel they need to be seen to 'win?'

Why are they so focussed on money and material things to the extent they seem to want to destroy a person they purport to have loved beyond any other?

Once again taking a look at these questions and more, but from the unique perspective of a CPAN, we aim to provide valuable insight into their thinking and behaviour