Parenting is an overwhelming job with endless meals, cleanups, and activities. But on top of that, there’s the general overwhelm we're all feeling in our current world, and there are skills you can learn to help manage that daily overwhelm. In this episode Leslie speaks with special guest, Dr. Kiki Fehling. Dr. Kiki Fehling, a licensed psychologist, DBT expert, author and speaker, discusses the transformative impact of DBT on her life and the lives of her clients. Together Leslie and Kiki focus on specific DBT skills that can directly help parents who feel overwhelmed, including Mindfulness, TIPP, and Opposite Action Skills which can help both you and your children.

Time Stamps

3:05 Why Kiki is committed to getting DBT resources out to the public

5:13 Distinguishing between DBT Therapy and DBT Skills

• The four Modules of DBT
• These are life skills to help you deal with the hard parts of life

7:15 How do we talk to parents about the overwhelm

• Start with mindfulness
• Definition of mindfulness
• Increasing one’s awareness of the Overwhelm

11:10 Jon Kabat Zinn’s Quote: “if our lives depended on our awareness of our breathing we’d all be dead

12:48 Mindfulness is the foundation of DBT

13:00 TIPP Skills to help us regulate our nervous system

• 13:25 Paced Breathing Skill
• 14:48 Tip your Temperature - mammalian Dive Reflex
• 16:48 Intense Exercise
• 17:47 Progressive Muscle Relaxation

19:46 Opposite Action Skill

24:50 Dealing with Overwhelm

• Using your TIPP Skills IS Opposite Action

25:25 Start with yourself: Model it and that teaches your child to cope

• Co-regulation is when the parent calms themselves down

27:06 Kids are growing up with Mindfulness as an everyday word

28:55 “ Living Therapeutically” is Leslie’s term for a way of living without therapy that continues to help you learn and grow (a newsletter will be coming soon on this)

Leslie-ism: Practice Naming Your Emotions

Resources:

Dr. Kiki Fehling’s Website

• Self-Directed DBT Skills: 3 Month DBT Workbook
• DBT Cards for Coping Skills
• Kiki Fehlings Tik Tok @dbtkiki
• Kiki Fehling Instagram.

TIPP Skills from DBT Therapy Handout

• Tip your Temperature Video
• Intense Exercise Video

Opposit Action Skills Video from DBT Therapy

Jon Kabat Zinn’s Website

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and

Here’s the scenario: Your 8 year old child just got a formal diagnosis of ADHD in addition to the dyslexia diagnosis. Your 12 year old son is also neurodivergent whose behaviors include humming, interrupting and fidgeting. How does a family learn to get along with all of these differences which create tension in both the children and the parents. In this third and final session with Krystal and Burt, Leslie works directly with the parenting differences…Krystal expresses her concerns about Margot's future, while Burt remains optimistic. The skills focus on mindfulness, validation and communication in order to “get along”, and learn to live together.

Time Stamps

3:35 The benefits of giving a child with ADHD the “job” of time management

5:00 Medication Trial for ADHD - pros and cons

8:59 The worrisome questions of someone with ADHD

15:10 When avoiding problems, you might be making your problem worse

15:45 Asking for what you need when you know you want to be heard.

17:25 Learning to speak each other’s language

18:55 Making sure your child understands their diagnosis

19:45 When someone is not understood and seen for who they are, they may misbehave- example of being left handed and being singled out.

20:22 If you figure out your different and different equals bad, then you call yourself “bad”

21:30 Explaining brains when you're trying to explain a diagnosis to a child

• Discussing neurodivergence with affirmative language

25:48 When parents have opposite perspectives.

• Be who you are and take a giant step towards the other person
• You can still be positive and validate your child’s concerns

27:39 When you validate someone’s worries - the worries may actually decrease

30:41 Role Play example of validation when someone uses BUT instead of AND

32:50 When the environment (school, home) may or may not support the neurodivergent person

34:36 Description of neurodivergent differences in the family including ADHD and Autism

38:00 Description of Stimming Behaviors

40:10 Family meetings can create a positive circular loop in which understanding leads to connection, and connection leads to greater understanding.

• Family meeting can name the tension between neurodivergent types
• Family meeting can engage the kids in the process of problem solving
• Understanding leads to empathy, consideration and tolerance

43:25 Description of misophonia and mindfulness skills to treat it

Leslie-ism: To reduce conflict start with communication and end up with connection

Resources:

• Resources on Neurodivergence Neurodivergentinsights.com
• Dr, Liz Angoff”s website Explaining Brains - full of resources
• Dr. Liz Angoff’s website

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music<

Kids fighting in the car is a common occurrence and is often a headache for most parents. This is a mini-bonus episode where Leslie and her producer Alletta Cooper discuss a number of strategies to help kids sit with discomfort, learn to deal with boredom and maybe along the way have some time to daydream - a way to exercise a valuable part of the brain. Screens and phones are not on the Do-Not-Use list but rather are understood for ways in which they too can be helpful.

Time Stamps

2:15 The arrangement strategy - rearranging the kids

3:12 Acknowledge that screens are not good or bad

• For the short term it works - kids are quiet
• Can you modulate the length of time that kids are on screens

4:10 What’s missing when your kids are on screens

• Learning to tolerate discomfort, differences and boredom
• Missing the opportunity for daydreaming
• 6:10 The creativity, the connection and the inventiveness of making up games

6:49 Kids in the car are a captive audience and often use that time to talk

7:42 Pulling Over Strategy - a non-threatening strategy

10:25 Kids can learn that they have a lot of power when it comes to the fighting with sibling

11:35 The Ticket System Strategy - this system teaches children its safe to make mistakes

13:50 Consequences not punishment - non judgmentally

14:40 Payback System Strategy - based on the concept of community service

16:30 Books on tape, family reading - again as a captive audience

17:25 Plan Ahead Strategy

17:45 Mindfulness Skills of Observation - paying attention to what is around (DBT skills)

18:28 Check in with yourself and ask “am I capable of tolerating this now?”

Leslie-ism: Give your children the gift of daydreaming time

Resources:

Is My Child A Monster? Episode 14 Skills Focus on Apologies with Special Guest Dale Rubury - Leslie Discusses the Payback Concept

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.