Breakups are hard. There's no way around that. You think this person is a dream and you're finally closer to finding your person only to find it crumbling beneath your feet. When there's no real closure, the person chooses to ghost and quickly replace you with someone you wonder if any of it was ever real. You feel shaken with distrust for yourself, all your trust issues resurface, and you wonder if you'll ever find true love. I'm in that same boat now. I thought I finally picked well after a long string of heartbreak, only to find he was just like the rest. It's taken some time and a whole lot of tears, but I finally created a way to move on. Instead of focusing on the heartbreak, I'm seeing all the ways this relationship was put in my life and to grow and change me into a person better equipped to recognize the real thing when it comes and how to show up best for it. Come with my on this journey of heartbreak, while I navigate moving on from it, setting new standards of engagement, and seeing it all as an opportunity to reconnect and become my higher self.

We all know that our thoughts drive our emotions and behavior, but what's even more critical to understand is distinguishing the validity and truth or falsehood of our thoughts and beliefs. I've found that the majority of arguments we have with other people isn't necessarily a difference in values, but a difference in perspective and how each other is viewing a situation. Often our thoughts can become distorted by our previous traumas and subsequent fears, and we may try to regain control based on a lie. The lies we believe can permeate our being and cause us to act in self-preserving ways that harm others, such as ego-defensive behaviors. As a result, we not only see breakdown in our interpersonal relationships, but also breakdown in how we see ourselves. Discerning truth and lies and being able to focus on the higher truths (which I touch on in truth 101) is essential in truly being able to handle life and relationships that moves toward health and healthy coping. In this episode particularly, I use a recent painful breakup to illustrate how distortions can cause irreparable damage, but how you can focus on the larger truth to still move forward and onward towards your highest growth.

Dissolution of relationships in any form can be so difficult, leaving you feeling angry and confused. This is exactly how I felt following coming back to a situationship after a year only to be rejected and discarded once again. I felt I had done nothing but try to understand and be there for him when all he ever did was use me. I recently went to the gym where he’d told everyone that he “hit” that, told them I was crazy, but then also egged them on to “chat me up,” to prove how much he didn’t care. It was disrespectful and I couldn’t understand why he was treating me so badly when I did nothing to him. Hadn’t he already done enough? What did I ever do to him to deserve that? Welcome to ego-defensive & emotion-driven behaviors where people go into self-protection mode to save face and shield themselves from emotional vulnerability. They essentially resort to this behavior because they ultimately lack self-worth/self-confidence & the ability to regulate their emotions. Instead of dealing with things from a place of stability and maturity, they react out of self-interest at the harm of others because it’s all they know how to do. At first, I was filled with anger and hurt, but the more I started to understand these are just deeply wounded people and it has nothing to do with me, the less anger I felt. Understanding helped me stop taking it personally and stop letting it mean something about me. In order to help you in that same process, this podcast and instagram guide sheds light on what ego-defensive & emotion-driven behaviors are, why people use them, and how to deal with people who engage in them. In the end, it’s important to note the only people they truly harm in using these tactics - whether consciously or unconsciously - is themselves. They block genuine connection because their fears & insecurities get the better of them. In the end, understanding this isn’t personal or about you, but a reflection of their own personal struggles, will help you break free from the pain and rejection they seem to leave behind. By choosing yourself, setting boundaries, disengaging, working on your own self-confidence & emotional regulation, you can be free to pursue relationships more worthy of your time. Remember, rejection is always an opportunity for deeper self-reflection and accepting divine redirection. It will all be okay.