Most people don’t realize how much of their relationship pain comes from patterns they never chose and beliefs they never questioned, and I’ve seen it over and over again.

In this episode, I’m joined by someone I’ve admired for a long time, relationship expert and author Jillian Turecki. Her new book, “It Begins With You: The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life,” is the kind of work that doesn’t just offer advice. It asks you to look inward. We talk about the ways we lose ourselves in relationships, the lies we tell ourselves to keep people close, and what it really means to grow after heartbreak. What does healthy love even look like? How do we know when we’re giving too much? Why do so many of us feel like we have to convince someone to stay?

Jillian shares so much of her insight and experience in this conversation: why deal breakers matter, how our family stories shape our love lives, and what it actually means to make peace with the past. One of the most powerful takeaways for me was her perspective on forgiveness, and how letting go doesn’t always mean condoning someone’s behavior. Sometimes it just means refusing to carry the story anymore.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, questioned your worth in a relationship, or wondered why you keep ending up in the same kind of dynamic, this one’s for you. I hope it leaves you feeling seen… and more importantly, ready to take your power back.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Jillian Turecki and Her Work

03:14 The Importance of Self-Reflection in Relationships

06:00 Defining Healthy Love

08:49 Understanding Deal Breakers in Relationships

11:57 The Complexity of Relationship Dynamics

15:08 The Myth of Fairy Tale Love

18:01 The Challenge of Convincing Someone to Love You

20:59 Processing Breakups and Moving Forward

24:00 Making Peace with Your Parents

36:49 Final Thoughts and Words of Wisdom

Links

Connect with Jillian Turecki:

https://www.jillianturecki.com/book

https://www.instagram.com/jillianturecki/?hl=en

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jillian-on-love/id1640172049

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Toxic relationships don’t usually start with obvious red flags. More often, they start with connection, someone who seems to really see you, who shows up in big ways, who makes you feel chosen. But over time, that connection can shift into something confusing, isolating, and hard to recognize for what it is.

I talk with Elizabeth Chambers, Host, Investigative Journalist and Executive Producer of the docuseries “Toxic,” about the psychological patterns behind abusive relationships - how they take shape, why they’re so easy to miss, and what keeps people from leaving. Elizabeth shares the stories of survivors she interviewed, many of whom came from loving, stable homes and never expected to end up in something harmful.

We also get into how culture plays a role. The fairytales we grow up with, the rom-com tropes, the magazines that taught us how to “get the guy” - they all send messages that can make it easier for abusers to gain trust and control. And when someone starts tailoring themselves to your vulnerabilities, mirroring your interests, slowly taking over the parts of your life that matter most, it rarely looks like abuse in the moment.

I talk through the tools I see used again and again in narcissistic relationships - love bombing, gaslighting, financial control - and how easy it is for good, smart people to get caught in them. And we explore what real support looks like when someone you care about is stuck in a relationship that’s hurting them.

This episode is a reminder to pay attention. To stay curious. To talk about the things we’re taught to keep private. Because awareness is the first step, and no one should have to figure it out alone.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction to Narcissism and Healing

02:52 The Impact of Toxic Relationships

05:53 Recognizing Generational and Cultural Patterns

11:57 Why It’s So Hard to Leave

18:09 Love Bombing and Emotional Control

24:06 Red Flags and Manipulation Tactics

30:06 The Psychology Behind Abuse

34:25 Power, Intimacy, and Control

41:07 Communication and Relationship Imbalances

49:49 How Friends and Family Can Help

51:32 Breaking the Cycle for Future Generations

Links

Watch Toxic on Max: https://www.max.com/shows/toxic/33977981-2e30-45d2-98c6-3145f9c40b33

https://www.instagram.com/elizabethchambers/

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

Couples therapy isn’t always a safe space, especially when a narcissist is in the room.

I get asked about this constantly: “Should we try couples therapy?” If your partner has narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder, my answer is no. In this episode, I explain why.

Too often, therapy turns into a performance, another platform for the narcissist to manipulate, charm the therapist, and flip the narrative. Instead of feeling supported, the person being harmed walks out feeling blamed, invalidated, and more confused than ever.

The truth is, most therapists aren’t trained to recognize the subtle patterns of narcissistic abuse. They might know the diagnosis from a textbook, but they miss the gaslighting, coercive control, and emotional manipulation happening right in front of them. I’ve seen how that leads to real harm.

If you’ve been to couples therapy and felt like something was off, or worse, felt like the problem, you’re not imagining it. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone.

In this episode, I break down why I never recommend couples therapy in these situations, and why individual support is not just more effective, but also safer.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Introduction

01:16 Why Couples Therapy Fails with a Narcissist

03:38 Therapists Often Miss the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

08:16 How Narcissists Use Therapy as a Stage

10:48 Their Real Agenda Isn’t Healing

12:08 Toxic Behavior vs. Narcissistic Abuse

18:06 Why Speaking the Truth in Therapy Can Be Dangerous

21:08 When Therapy Advice Causes More Harm

24:55 Is There Any Benefit to Couples Therapy?

29:55 Why Individual Therapy Is the Safer Choice

33:00 Dr. Z’s Advice and How to Get Help

Links

Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/

https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/

https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/

https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter

Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm