In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They offer resources for therapeutic separation, communication at every stage of recovery and reconciliation, and tools for practicing empathy with betrayed partners.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:24] Does my partner need to see a psychoanalyst first to get honest about his past?

[4:28] What resources are available for communication building in the later stages of recovery and reconciliation?

[9:17] How can I work to regain trust after recent relapses?

[13:35] How do I start the amends process with my betrayed spouse?

[17:43] Why do betrayers have to go to Porn Addiction 101 through Seeking Integrity?

[22:10] How can I handle my ex’s new girlfriend joining the family?

[24:30] What does loving detachment really look like?

[30:51] Can addicts and their partners heal outside the therapeutic setting?

[34:20] What is the correlation between sex addiction and OCD?

[36:41] How can I feel safe even though I have forgiven my partner?

[41:05] What tools can an addict use to practice empathy with their partner?

[42:25] What resources are available to get CSAT couples on the same page regarding key terms?

[47:00] My partner’s blameshifting and defensiveness is escalating in therapeutic separation, what should I do next?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Stop the problematic behavior first, then address the underlying issues.”

• “I’m never in the later stages of recovery. Recovery is something I will do for my whole life.”

• “Your living amends happens when you act differently.”

• “If the worst thing happens, what are you going to do to take care of you?”

Troy Love and Tami answer participant questions about attachment wounds, shame, healthy boundaries, and the reality that an addict is always going to be an addict. It’s only how they chose to move forward in recovery that will change their life for better.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] My partner betrayed me and now we live like roommates. How can I refine myself whether I stay or go?

[6:27] How can I stop judging myself for staying?

[10:01] My wife doesn’t think I’m working hard enough in recovery. Is there a timeline we should know about?

[17:09] Will I ever be able to live my life without triggers?

[21:55] Are men and women meant to be in marital couples? It appears to be societal not biological.

[24:40] How can I engage in healthy sexual activity, without blurring the lines between the patterns of my unhealthy sexual behavior?

[30:16] I’m not sure my spouse is even sober, which treatment group is right for him?

[34:03] How can I address the pain of recovery preemptively before I move to soothe by acting out?

[38:42] My partner is still acting out and even harming others. How can I move forward?

[41:19] My avoidant attachment style is making connection feel non-exisistent.

[45:54] Has Seeking Integrity considered having a moderator who is a betrayed partner?

[47:51] If relationships are so painful, why don’t we tell people that relationships aren’t for everyone?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “Wounds need to be healed regardless of what choice you make about staying in a relationship.”

• “Every partner wants it to be all better right now, and that’s just not reality. You will always be an addict.”

• “Shame is going to unravel connection faster than anything else.”

• “We all have attachment wounds, and they are going to get bumped.”

Dr. Rob and Tami answer participant questions about rebuilding trust through intimate conversations, ideas for setting healthy boundaries after betrayal, and the danger of an addict swearing that they’re done acting out for the rest of their life.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:15] Current and upcoming resources at Seeking Integrity.

[3:20] Do sponsees pay upfront or make monthly payments?

[4:45] Are there agnostic 12 Step programs?

[8:22] Ideas for connection activities that rebuild trust?

[16:01] My husband is attending groups to placate me but is not participating. Is this normal?

[20:04] Setting healthy boundaries after betrayal.

[21:35] What are the statistics surrounding porn sobriety?

[24:15] The danger of swearing that you’ll never act out ever again.

[31:39] You are the only person that can take care of you.

[33:30] Don’t believe an addict when they are love-bombing you.

[36:41] Are 30% of men on dating sites really already married?

[40:32] Recommended sources for healing the shame of my partner’s betrayal?

[49:52] Is there a way to engage in self sexuality that would not be considered acting out?

[53:40] What is the recommended protocol for moving through fallout from a therapeutic disclosure?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “When people come together and try to support each other and find a way to heal as a group, to me, that is a spiritual experience.”

• “To understand what I’m going through and really listen to me, that is intimacy.”

• “The only thing I can guarantee is that I’m consistently working on this and I’m committed to it.”

• “You are the only person that can take care of you.”