Damn, I've come to the end of the Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 4 (and the Fucked Up Relationship Album, in general). Wow, man, wow. I started The Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 1 in September or October of 2022. It's weird to be comin' to the end of something that's been a part o' my life for such a long time. Man, man, man. Anyway, this is actually a reprise of a song I did in 2021, but with some modifications; I figured it'd be a good ending for this album. Dang, dang, dang, it's so hard to say goodbye to working on something like this, but I guess I gotta wrap it up and all that. It was fun. At least the listener knows I didn't go back to him, yet again, cuz all the relationship fucked upness ends here. That's a fine thing.

I was all woohoo happy with last week's song, and then this week rolled around, and I felt a wee bit of dread in the pit of my stomach. I realized: Chances are the next song won't be as good as the last one. This is not a low-self-esteem-ish thing - it's more of a statistics thing. On any given day, we are more likely than not do something that's in the average range. I mean, after all, that's why it's called, "average." Statisticians call it "regression to the mean." You do something really awesome one day, and the next day, you're likely to regress to your average performance, instead of doing super good, day after day. So, here's my next song, which probably falls in the average-range for me.

This is the next song in the Fucked Up Relationship Relationship Album, Part 4. It's a reprise of the very first song on Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 1. Yup, I'm wrapping this up. Geez, man, I wonder what I'll do next.

I'm putting a parental advisory picture on this song in order to serve as a trigger warning, cuz this song deals with suicidal stuff.

This song's gonna be part of an animated movie I'm working on about this horrible ear condition I came down with in 2019, which persisted into 2020. Well, I still have it, but it got more manageable in late 2020. It's called middle ear myoclonus. Middle ear myoclonus is muscle spasms or twitches in the middle ear that cause a person to hear rumbles, thumps, whooshes, clicks, and other bad sounds. When it first started, I kid you not, said horrible sounds were as loud as if they were coming out of a sub-woofer at a rock concert with my ear next to it. My ears would make those horrific rumbling sounds for hours and hours at a time, every 30 seconds or so, at random. It was startling and painful.

What makes it worse is, when you go to talk to doctors about it, they act all dismissive because most of them never heard about it. They were never taught it in medical school, so they just say things like, "just get used to it." Or, "why don't you distract yourself with other sounds?" (That doesn't work). It's rare to find a doctor who actually has heard of that condition and is willing to treat it (thankfully, I found one, after talking to about half a dozen doctors who didn't know shit).

Anywayyyyy, since that time, I've connected with other people online, who have the same condition. Lotta people get suicidal in response to this condition because it is torture, and it makes you stressed out all the time and feel alone and depressed. And this fun-fact makes me wonder how many people with this condition have completed suicide.

And, so, this is all a long-winded way of saying this song is telling all these dumb, dismissive doctors to take this condition seriously and NOT say, "At least it's not life threatening," because it is. It is life-threatening, because anything that makes people suicidal is life threatening, by definition, damnitall!!!!!

I wrote a couple songs about snails recently. This is one of them.

This is the next song in the Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 4. It's a true story! Y'know how you send your ex's stuff back them after you break up? Well, this is how that all went.

Sometimes I wonder if, even though my ego tells me I'm a relatively decent person, I'm really quite bad underneath. Maybe stuff I'm doing these days that is socially acceptable by today's standards, but it is actually nefarious by a more objective standard. Y'know, like, maybe someday in the far, far distant future, whatever race of beings is alive on this planet will look back at us and say, "Those humans were evil." I mean, back in the day, people thought slavery was okay. Maybe there's stuff we're doing right now that's just as bad as slavery, but we all think it's fine cuz we're blinded by social norms and stuff.

Maybe, despite thinking I'm good, I'm actually quite evil. Maybe I'm the devil and I don't know it!

The picture is the illustration for a song I did a long time ago, but it fits with this one. Yes.

This is the next song in the Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 4. The main character has gotten away from her gross ex-boyfriend and is relishing in her new-found freedom.