The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement.

In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off.

These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party’s chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person’s lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away.

Relevant Links:

• Get your companion workbook - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/cutoff
• My talk on 1A: “When Loved Ones Become Strangers” - https://the1a.org/segments/when-loved-ones-become-strangers/
• Reimagining Love Episode: “End or Mend: Managing Difficult Family Relationships with Nedra Tawwab” - https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/end-or-mend-managing-difficult-family-relationships-with-nedra-tawwab/
• APA article: “Estrangement Is Never Easy or Straightforward. Psychologists Can Help” - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangement
• Vogue article: “Why So Many People (Myself Included) Are Experiencing Family Estrangement” - https://www.vogue.com/article/why-so-many-people-are-experiencing-family-estrangement
• Aeon article: “Estrangement” - https://aeon.co/essays/modern-culture-blames-parents-for-forces-beyond-their-control
• Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
• Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
• Submit a Listener Question

Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re going to be on a very short two week break starting Sept 17th. When we return on October 1st, we’re going to start publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.

In North America, we’re conditioned from an early age to cultivate specific components of our full personalities and curtail others. For people socialized as girls, traditionally “feminine” qualities such as softspokenness and emotional exploration are encouraged, while assertiveness is discouraged. For people socialized as boys, qualities like toughness and a stiff upper lip are considered masculine, and they are advised against being open about their feelings.

But as hard as patriarchal society has worked to separate us into specific personas based on our sex, the truth is that we all carry masculine and feminine energies within us. In this episode, marriage and family therapist and Depth Psychology expert Dené Logan embarks with me on an exploration of how we manage, heal, and share our internal energies—this is the fascinating topic of her new book, Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within.

Relevant Links:

• Order Dené’s book, Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine & Feminine Within
• Connect with Dené on Instagram
• Listen to the Cheaper Than Therapy podcast
• Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
• Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
• Submit a Listener Question

Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re going to be on a very short two week break starting Sept 17th. When we return on October 1st, we’re going to start publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.

Founder and CEO of YourTango, Andrea Miller, joins Dr. Share to share the power of being a lifelong “seeker” of relational wisdom. Andrea has dedicated her life to connecting her audience with relationship experts and celebrating relational wisdom, and today, invites us into her journey of opening herself up to love’s lessons.

Relevant links:

• Learn more about YourTango
• Listen to Dr. Alexandra on Open Relationships: Transforming Together with Andrea Miller
• Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love by Andrea Miller
• Order Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every Day
• Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter
• Submit a Listener Question

Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at dralexandrasolomon.com.