Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Josh Nichols on some of the common tactics addicts and abusers use to gaslight their victims. In this episode, Josh focuses on the person who is receiving the gaslight treatment. Whatever you might be going through, there is no shame in staying with your addict. Sometimes the best thing for your family is to work through the issues, and sometimes the best thing for your family is for you to leave. Each case is individual to the person, but the most important thing you should know is that you’re not crazy and that your initial gut reaction is almost always correct!

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:35] Why do abusers work so hard to make someone think they’re crazy?

[3:35] You’re not a bad person if you were on the receiving end of this treatment.

[6:00] Abusers love to discredit your gut feelings and intuition, but your intuition is still accurate, deep down.

[8:25] A healthy person wants to have a conversation about an issue or a feeling they’re having, the gaslighter does not. They want you to be distracted by something else.

[11:45] It’s okay to question someone else’s version of reality.

[13:15] You’re not a weak person for staying with an abuser.

[15:25] What made Josh so interested in this subject?

[19:40] You’re not alone in your pain. There are many people who have had to deal with a gaslighter.

[20:00] You are not this bad person that your abuser has made you out to be!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Familysolutionsok.com

QUOTES:

• “Abusers do it in such a way where they make you feel silly, stupid, or crazy. They teach you to not trust your gut, but your gut is still accurate.”
• “A healthy person wants to have more conversation about it, a gaslighter does not. The whole goal is to get you off my trail.”
• “Sometimes courage is leaving, and sometimes courage is staying.”

Dr. Rob talks with Josh Nichols about common gaslighting tactics addicts and manipulative people tend to use. We like to think the world might be full of these calculating abusers, but often times these tactics are used as a knee-jerk reaction and come from a place of survival. Today, Josh offers some tips on how to spot a gaslighter and what you might be feeling from some of their gaslighting actions.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:10] A little bit about Josh and why he wanted to talk about gaslighting.

[2:55] What’s the difference between gaslighting and lair?

[5:40] Victims feel like they’re going crazy and feel such relief when a therapist finally validates their thoughts.

[8:30] Why do people gaslight other people?

[10:45] A common tactic these people use is to confirm your belief in that person and then they will use this as leverage to deny your own reality.

[14:00] These people tend not to be psychopaths or sociopaths. They’re just trying to maintain control.

[17:25] A person will often try to use different tactics to cover up their gaslighting. What does this look like?

[18:00] There are three archetypes you have to look out for: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer.

[24:25] Unfortunately, gaslighters love to exploit your trust and sense of safety you have with that person.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Familysolutionsok.com

QUOTES:

• “These people are exploiting some kind of vulnerability and they can exploit the trust and love in the relationship.”
• “Addicts have maladaptive coping mechanisms and are really good survivors, and gaslighting becomes one of the tools.”
• “Gaslighters have three different types: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer.”

Heather Cronemiller and Lacy Bentley join Dr. Rob to talk about female sex addiction and the damage it can cause families. Both Lacy and Heather share their personal experience with being the ‘other woman’ and how, despite it going against everything they believed in, they still continued down a path of destruction. When it comes to any form of addiction, what we're really fighting against is deeply broken attachment wounds. Find out more on today’s episode.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:40] A little bit about Lacy and how she got introduced with Dr. Rob.

[3:20] A little bit about Heather and how she met Dr. Rob.

[5:30] Despite being married, Heather felt like she wasn’t with her soul mate. Everything she thought love was, was wrong.

[6:15] What does mature love feel like?

[8:55] Heather realized through her own recovery, her husband is a wonderful man and replacing him with the ‘flavor of the month’ won’t fix the problem.

[13:35] What is polygamy and does it actually exist? Is it just a mask for sex addiction?

[21:00] Why is sex ‘never enough’ when working with sex addicts?

[23:35] What does it look like to work with someone like Lacy as a female sex addict?

[25:00] Heather shares her personal experience working with Lacy and how it helped her move forward and on a healthier path of recovery.

[26:15] Heather talks about her recovery journey and what that looks like for her.

[30:15] Lucy and Heather talk about their upcoming book, Going Deeper for Women!

[38:15] How does addiction bleed into other aspects of our lives?

[41:10] Heather shares why their book is going to help any woman going through addiction.

[47:10] There are nasty names we call women that we don’t call men, despite them both doing the same actions.

[50:50] Dr. Rob has met very few men who understand the experience of a woman and what she has to deal with when she goes out into the world.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Herrecoveryroadmap.com

Oakhaven-counseling.com

Going Deeper for Women

QUOTES:

• “Mature love is a choice and that can be complicated to say because it doesn’t feel like a choice.”

• “How many partners do you need for it to be ‘enough’? In sex addiction, it’s never enough.”

• “We are dealing with attachment wounds. We are dealing with childhood trauma. We’re not dealing with a woman who has a fully functional relational brain..”