Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.

Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.

Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.

Related resources

• Leann’s website, bornemancoaching.com
• Leann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual Women

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Timestamps

(00:00) Intro

(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma

(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference

(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research

(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself

(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access

(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?

(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like

(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature

(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink

(24:33) Outro and credits

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Grief can be overwhelming for anyone — but for people with ADHD, it can show up in surprising ways.

Therapist Rachel Hopkins joins host Cate Osborn to unpack the intersection of ADHD and grief. They discuss how time blindness, emotional intensity, and memory challenges can shape the grieving process — and how ADHDers might mourn in nonlinear, unconventional ways. Rachel also offers some insights for anyone struggling to grieve “the right way” while living with a neurodivergent brain.

Related resources

• From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Love and grief with ADHD (Steve Wesley’s story)
• Grief-Fueled ADHD: Strategies to Manage A Complex Combination by Rachel Hopkins
• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
• The Grand Hotel of Feelings by Lidia Brankovíc

Timestamps

(00:48) A word from Cate on ADHD and grief

(03:05) Nonlinear ADHD grief

(06:11) Executive function challenges and grief

(09:34) Emotional regulation and planning immediately following a loss

(11:03) Time perception challenges and processing grief

(15:34) Rejection sensitivity and worrying about others’ judgement of our grieving

(20:19) Balancing distraction and avoidance

(26:24) The importance of acknowledging that your ADHD will affect your grief, and celebrating your wins

(27:29) ADHD and delayed grief reactions

(29:30) Advice for neurotypical people supporting an ADHDer through grief

(30:44) Rachel’s last thoughts and advice for any ADHDer going through grief right now

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

ADHD in women is often misunderstood, even by ourselves — and hormones are a big part of the story.

This week, host Cate Osborn chats with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund about how hormone cycles affect ADHD in women. From PMS to perimenopause, we explore how shifting hormones can change how ADHD shows up — and how that impacts mood, focus, and relationships.

Dr. Borg Skoglund shares what the research says, what often gets overlooked in diagnosis and treatment, and how understanding the patterns in your cycle can make everyday life a little easier.

Related resources

• ADHD Girls to Women by Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund
• Lotta’s research group, GODDESS ADHD
• A guide to hormones and ADHD
• From the Climbing the Walls podcast: Are hormones the final frontier for women with ADHD?

Timestamps

(01:42) The changes in hormones during the menstrual cycle, and how they can affect ADHD symptoms

(04:57) ADHD symptoms across hormonal life milestones like puberty, pregnancy, and menopause

(10:21) The formation of Lotta’s research group GODDESS ADHD

(14:25) The importance of this overdue research, and the constant dismissal of women’s hormonal challenges

(17:12) Mapping your cycle to help understand your ADHD symptom fluctuations

(21:10) How do we track these things if our cycles are non-traditional?

(24:06) How do hormones connect to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give