In this week's episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew recount a transformative moment from their Fourth of July weekend. Picture this: amidst the typical holiday stress, a disagreement escalates in front of their kids. Instead of spiraling further, they pause and ask each other, "Hey, can we try this again?" It's a simple question, but one that marks a significant milestone in their journey.

This episode not only celebrates Melissa and Drew's progress but also takes a deeper dive into Drew's role as the avoidant partner. Why focus on Drew? Because avoidant partners often struggle longer with processing and communicating their emotions. Julie probes with questions like, "How long have you walked around trying to get everything right?" and "How are you supposed to help Melissa with her anxiety when you’ve never had help with yours?"

Drew shares a powerful realization: "I’ve never had help in that arena…" This acknowledgment opens up discussions about the challenges of growing up with parents who, despite their best efforts, weren't always emotionally available. Drew traces the roots of his anxiety back to having to regulate his emotions alone from a young age.

Julie guides Drew through understanding the pain beneath the pressure he feels, introducing him to a new kind of difficulty: touching the pain underneath all that pressure. For Melissa, understanding the reasons behind Drew’s avoidant nature brings a huge sense of relief and a pathway to true co-regulation.

As they navigate these revelations, how does it change their dynamics? Could understanding and addressing these deep-seated issues be the key to breaking their negative cycles for good? How do you handle the uncovering of deep-seated personal struggles in your relationships?

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

This week's episode of The Secure Love Podcast opens with Drew reflecting on the early years of their marriage. His reflection leads to a heartfelt apology to Melissa for not showing up the way she needed, eliciting both an emotional reaction and a tremendous sense of relief for her. This moment of understanding and Drew's willingness to own his part in their past disconnect highlights his growth, yet Julie points out that this is still within the bounds of their 'negative cycle'. Drew's efforts, though well-intentioned, stem from a partial grasp of the underlying issues, including his unprocessed grief, fears about loss, and struggles with vulnerability.

Julie guides the couple through understanding how Drew's past experiences of loss and his inability to seek help have shaped his responses to Melissa's needs. In this episode, we also hear from Julie's longtime colleague, George Faller, who provides insight into what Drew has been experiencing. Although Drew apologized to Melissa for not being emotionally available in those early years, George highlights that Drew hasn't had much experience sharing his emotions, which also means he doesn't have much experience having his own emotions validated.

Make no doubt about it, Drew's apology and acknowledgment is huge for their relationship. However, as the avoidant partner, what will it take for Drew to truly connect with his deepest fears and embrace vulnerability.

As the episode unfolds, Julie challenges Drew to genuinely connect with his deeper fears and insecurities. This pivot in therapy aims to equip Drew with the tools to support Melissa more effectively, acknowledging that truly supportive relationships require both partners to engage deeply with their own vulnerabilities.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In today's episode of the Secure Love Podcast, we dive into Part 1 of a compelling two-part series exploring deep-rooted challenges in Melissa and Drew's relationship. Reflecting on last week's chaos when Drew returned to a patio strewn with toys, Melissa revisits her feelings of frustration. She was ready to support Drew, but his withdrawn demeanor left her feeling helpless and disconnected.

This moment of disconnect isn't isolated—it harks back to a critical time in their relationship when their son was hospitalized in the ICU, a situation fraught with stress and uncertainty. During this intense period, Drew had just started a new job, adding another layer of strain. Melissa feels they've never fully recovered from this emotional distance that began then.

In this episode, Julie works with Melissa to identify and dissect these cycles of disconnect and triggering events that trace back to their past. It's a deep dive into the origins of their attachment clashes, revealing how past traumas continue to influence their present interactions.

Next week, in Part 2, we'll be joined by guest therapist George Faller, one of Julie's long-standing colleagues, who will provide further analysis from Drew's perspective.

Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle with your partner that seems to echo past conflicts? How do you navigate the complex interplay of past and present in your relationships? Join us as we explore these questions, offering insights and reflections that might just resonate with your own experiences. Tune in to unravel the roots of Melissa and Drew's challenges and find keys to fostering a deeper connection.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime