In this episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Julie works with Drew and Melissa in their final therapy session, focusing on Drew's shame and self-acceptance. The session aims to help Drew accept himself even when his anxieties lead to imperfect behavior. Julie explains that self-acceptance—recognizing one's worth despite mistakes—is crucial for breaking the cycle of shame, which can trigger avoidant behavior and emotional withdrawal from Melissa.

Julie starts by helping Drew see the positive intentions behind his need for order, acknowledging that his perfectionism is not all negative. By celebrating this strength, Julie helps Drew open up to confronting the underlying shame. This work is particularly crucial in breaking the couple's negative cycles and building more secure attachment. When Drew can accept himself, even in moments of imperfection, it allows for better emotional connection and co-regulation between him and Melissa, which is the ultimate goal of their 20-session journey.

The session also explores how both Drew and Melissa can reassure each other during moments of imperfection, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance for their emotional growth as a couple and their progress toward a more secure, co-regulated relationship.

Melissa and Drew will join us for a live Q&A session on Monday, December 2, at 2 PM Pacific (5 PM Eastern). Don’t miss this opportunity to learn directly from their experience. Tune in next week to hear their reflections and advice!

As we look forward to Season 2 with Bethany and Brian in January, take a moment to support this podcast by leaving a five-star review on Apple or Spotify. Together, we can spread these tools and help more couples thrive.

Thank you for listening and for joining us on this transformative journey with Melissa and Drew.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

This week on the Secure Love Podcast the focus continues on Melissa’s experience as the anxious partner and her journey toward self-acceptance. The episode explores Melissa’s struggle to believe she can be loved—even with her fears and imperfections. Guided by Julie, Melissa begins to understand that true love, both from herself and from Drew, must include even the most anxious parts of who she is.

Julie delves into the connection between Melissa’s childhood attachment wounds and her past relationship patterns, which have fueled her fears and perfectionism. As Melissa works on self-regulation and self-compassion, she starts to let go of the exhausting pursuit of perfection, moving closer to fully embracing her authentic self.

While Melissa’s personal growth takes center stage, Julie also supports Drew in providing reassurance that speaks to Melissa’s core fears. Together, they learn how to balance emotional self-reliance with mutual support, showing that security in a relationship is built on both individual growth and shared effort.

Through their openness and vulnerability, Melissa and Drew demonstrate the transformative power of self-acceptance and secure attachment, showing that even anxious parts of ourselves can be embraced within a loving partnership.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host Julie Menanno focuses on Melissa’s anxious attachment style, exploring her emotional regulation challenges and the roots of her people-pleasing tendencies. Julie addresses Melissa’s need to create ideal family experiences, illustrated by her high expectations for a recent Halloween outing. Drew’s contrasting laid-back parenting style sparked conflict, revealing Melissa's struggle when he doesn’t match her enthusiasm.

Julie encourages Melissa to reflect on how her anxiety may contribute to Drew’s disengagement, pushing her to recognize and take ownership of her role in their relationship dynamics. Julie challenges Melissa to develop self-soothing skills, instead of relying solely on Drew for emotional validation, and to create space for Drew’s parenting differences. By encouraging Melissa to manage her expectations and anxieties, Julie aims to help her break negative patterns and foster greater self-confidence and emotional independence.