A lump discovered while shaving during a ski trip turned Dr. Julie Gould's world upside down. As an obstetrician who prided herself on healthy living—never microwaving plastics, exercising regularly, getting routine checkups—she never expected to face follicular lymphoma. "I'm the one who's going to live forever," she thought, making her cancer diagnosis all the more shocking.

Dr. Gould takes us through her journey from initial discovery through diagnosis, treatment decisions, and the profound ways cancer changed her outlook on life. With remarkable candor, she shares the surreal experience of creating a "funeral playlist" the night of her diagnosis, then learning to use humor—"Mom has cancer...your turn to do the dishes"—to normalize the illness with her teenage children.

The episode offers rare insight into how a physician navigates the healthcare system as a patient. Dr. Gould describes advocating for her own testing, seeking second opinions, researching treatment options, and finding the right oncologist who matched her communication style. Her experience defied expectations in surprising ways—the dreaded Rituxan treatments she feared would debilitate her "felt like water," while the seemingly counterintuitive "watch and wait" approach for a stage three cancer initially felt baffling.

Perhaps most valuable are Dr. Gould's reflections on how cancer transformed her practice. She now brings deeper empathy to patients awaiting test results, understanding their anxiety in ways textbooks could never teach. Though she initially planned to drastically reduce her workload, she discovered her identity remained deeply connected to her role as a physician—finding that meaningful work provided crucial psychological support during treatment.

Ready to gain perspective from someone who's experienced cancer from both sides of the stethoscope? Listen now and discover why having grace for others—and yourself—might be the most important lesson from facing mortality.