Why Happiness Might Be Overrated and What to Aim for Instead

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Why Happiness Might Be Overrated and What to Aim for Instead

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Have you ever felt like you’re supposed to be happy all the time? Like life’s one big Instagram reel of sunny beaches, perfect coffee, and nonstop smiles—and you’re somehow failing if you’re not there yet? I get it. I’ve been there, staring at my phone, wondering why my Tuesday night takeout doesn’t feel like a victory lap. We’re told happiness is the ultimate prize—chase it, grab it, hold it tight. But what if that’s the wrong target? What if chasing happiness is like chasing a mirage—shimmery, tempting, but always just out of reach?Here’s a thought that might shake things up: happiness isn’t the goal. It’s a fleeting guest, not a permanent roommate. And honestly, that’s okay. Two thinkers from way back—Aristotle from ancient Greece and Lao Tzu from ancient China—had some ideas that cut through the noise. They didn’t chase fleeting joy; they aimed for something deeper: balance and self-awareness. This isn’t about slapping on a fake smile or buying into the “good vibes only” trap. It’s about building a life that feels real, grounded, and worth living, even when the dishes are piling up or life throws a curveball.So, let’s unpack this. Grab a coffee, a tea, or just a quiet corner, and let’s talk about why happiness might be overrated—and what to aim for instead.The Happiness Mirage: Why It Keeps Slipping AwayThink about the last time you got something you really wanted—a new gadget, a raise, maybe a killer vacation. Felt amazing, right? For a minute, you’re on top of the world. But then the shine wears off. The phone’s just a phone. The raise comes with more emails. The vacation tan fades, and you’re back to traffic jams and laundry. What gives?Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill. It’s the idea that no matter how big the win—or the loss—you tend to slide back to your usual mood pretty fast. Studies show lottery winners are thrilled at first, but within a year, most are about as happy as they were before the jackpot. Same with tough stuff—people adapt, even after major setbacks. It’s like our brains are wired to reset, keeping us hungry for the next “happy” hit.Why’s this a problem? Because we’ve been sold a story that happiness is out there, waiting in the next purchase, job, or relationship. Ever bought something online, thinking, “This is gonna make me feel awesome”—only to realize it’s just… stuff? Or maybe you’ve scrolled social media, seeing everyone’s highlight reel—weddings, promotions, avocado toast—and felt like you’re missing out. That’s the mirage in action. It looks real, but it’s not built to last.And here’s the kicker: when you expect to be happy all the time, every off day feels like a personal failure. You start wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” I’ve been there, beating myself up because I wasn’t grinning through a stressful week at work. It’s exhausting, and it can make you feel like you’re doing life wrong.Thanks for reading Paragon Legacies! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.Aristotle’s Big Idea: Flourish, Don’t Just Chase FeelingsLet’s take a trip back to ancient Greece and sit with Aristotle for a minute. This guy wasn’t into chasing warm fuzzies. He talked about something called eudaimonia, which gets translated as “happiness” but is really about flourishing—living your fullest, truest life. It’s not about feeling good every second; it’s about being a person you respect, even when life’s messy.How do you get there? Aristotle’s got a plan: virtue and the golden mean. Virtue’s about building character—think honesty, courage, kindness. But the golden mean is where it gets practical. It’s about balance—finding the sweet spot between too much and too little. Take courage: charging into every argument is reckless, but dodging every tough talk is cowardly. The middle ground? Knowing when to speak up, like telling a friend they’ve hurt you, and when to let it slide.Or think about work-life balance. Ever gone all-in on a job, staying late, skipping workouts, only to crash and burn? I have. I used to pull 12-hour days, thinking it’d make me “successful” (and yeah, happy). Spoiler: I was a zombie. Then I started setting boundaries—leaving at 6 p.m., taking walks, saying no to extra projects. I wasn’t bouncing with joy, but I felt solid, like I was building something real. That’s the golden mean—stretching yourself without snapping.What’s cool about Aristotle’s idea is it’s not about quick fixes. It’s about asking, “Who do I want to be?” Maybe you want to be patient. Next time you’re stuck in traffic, instead of cursing, try breathing and letting it go. Small moves like that add up, making you feel like you’re steering your life, not just riding the waves.Lao Tzu’s Wisdom: Flow Like Water, Don’t Fight the CurrentNow, let’s hop over to ancient China and chill with Lao Tzu, the ...