(NOTE: We, the producers, apologize for this first episode of the new season transmitted from planet SorryArse).

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee visited the sorriest planet in the known universe. The planet SorryArse. SorryArse is the pitiful excuse for a planet masquerading as an apology of a rotating rock with people living on it.

while dwelling on the planet Sorry-Arse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee had an opportunity to mull over its faecal-encrusted data that was season one of the the podcast.

It confronted the non-stop stream of diarrhoea… (note to editor - it's critical that there are no pauses in the middle of this sentence otherwise you'll think we're referring to “stream of diarrhoea” instead of what we intend to say - “stream of diarrhoea JOKES”)As we were saying… The battery-Operated Magic Toupee mulled over the non-stop stream of diarrhoea jokes, poo gags, and farty sound effects.

It regretfully pondered the lack of intelligence, the lack of sophistication, and the lack of something else it couldn’t can’t recall another word that describes what it should be mentioning here but we can't recall.

While trapped in the self-pitying atmosphere of infectious regret, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee broadcasted its’ mighty apologetic message to an unforgiving universe and promised to keep up the good work for the new season of the battery-operated magic toupee season .

And now The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – season two, episode one… but first “Who's Sorry Now” by Patsy Cline.