Dads. I sure wish I had one. I’ve heard that they can be good for quite a lot, such as mowing the lawn, bringing home bacon, and ensuring televisions don’t go to waste. Of course, not everyone has the kind of relationship with their father that any of the above uses can make up for the strain their old man puts on their lives. Take, for example, the troubled father-son dynamic at the heart of Big Fish, a 2003 Tim Burton directed dramedy based on the book by Daniel Wallace. William Bloom struggles to relate to Edward, his father, thanks to the senior Bloom’s penchant for telling fantastical, almost certainly exaggerated stories about his life, stories that just so happen to be the perfect vignettes for a Burton movie. Big Fish reviewed and sold well, and now, thanks to a listener request, has been submitted for evaluation by the keen eyes of Magellans at the Movies. Pick some daffodils and chamber a silver bullet in your revolver, let’s get started!

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When aliens show up in movies, it’s usually either en masse, as part of a hostile invasion force, or, if they’re alone, as essentially a lost puppy that can teach some young child an important and heartwarming lesson. Not so for the Yautja, a solo hunter who’s as much like a puppy as a shark is like a goldfish. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably more familiar with the Yautja’s more common sobriquet: predators! That’s right, today Magellans at the Movies is reviewing the 1987 science fiction horror action classic Predator directed by John McTiernan. Predator is a big, burly legend of 80s action movies thanks to a novel plot, an awesome antagonist, and all of your dad’s favorite one-liners. Will it be able to impress non-dads Nathan and Elliot Magalhães? Go! Get to the episode and find out!

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Gadgets: improbable. Villain’s plans: impractical. Mission: impossible. For the past two decades the Mission: Impossible franchise has been a frequent installment in the summer movie schedule, bringing action, humor, and increasingly ambitious stunts to the screen and delighting audiences worldwide. As the stakes got higher and the odds of Tom Cruise dying in bed got lower, the popularity of the franchise only accelerated, culminating in the series finale(?) of the Final Reckoning, released just a few weeks ago. Now that the brave men and women of the IMF are retiring, or at least on sabbatical, the equally brave team at Magellans at the Movies were prompted by an audience member to take a step back and evaluate Mission Impossible on a series level. Having chosen to accept this mission, you now have thirty seconds to start the episode or else the world will explode or something, good luck!

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Marriage. You can tell it’s a critical foundation of Western Civilization because of all the endearing names we use to refer to our spouses: the ball and chain, the old trouble and strife, and babe. I hate the word “babe”. Everyone knows that marriage can be difficult, how much more so when you’re a pair of high level officers in the vast intelligence apparatus of the United Kingdom? That is the question answered by Black Bag, a 2025 spy drama directed by Steven Soderbergh, and if you’re not a spy, uh, I don’t know, maybe watch Scenes from a Marriage. Black Bag got rave reviews, but a disappointing box office result, meaning that its fortunes are in dire need of a lift thanks to the immediate surge in notoriety that attends a review by Magellans at the Movies. Dress your snappiest and maybe find a way to surreptitiously move the steak knife out of your partner’s reach if you’ve been misbehaving, let’s get going!

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Who among us has never heard of a man or woman who wanted to be in the movies? Movie stardom is a siren call for dreamers and doofuses the world over, for who wouldn’t want to live the dream of bitter divorces, loss of privacy, and opening a door fifty times to get the perfect shot for a pretentious director? Perhaps that’s why Buster Keaton double dipped in his 1924 comedy Sherlock Jr., home of one of the most memorable screen-jumping moments in cinematic history. Like so much of Keaton’s early filmography, Sherlock Jr. is considered a timeless classic, but it has yet to be considered by the discerning minds of Magellans at the Movies, so dust off your magnifying glass and keep a weather eye on your pocket watch as we review this silent cinematic standard.

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When people are killed, when children go missing, when affairs are had, the detectives of the world step in and smoke, deduce, analyze, smoke, gather clues, smoke, fight, smoke, and light up a cigarette in search of justice. What happens, however, when the detective swaps out a fondness for recreational cancer in favor of fine cuisine and even finer facial hair? Why, then you’d have the mighty moustached sleuth Hercule Poirot, ace investigator and star of numerous movies such as Murder on the Orient Express, a 2017 who-dun-it directed by Kenneth Branagh and based on the 1934 book by Agatha Christie. Murder was received with positive, if somewhat tepid reviews and a heaping helping of cash that spawned two more Christie adaptations by the same team, but those are mysteries for another day. For now, we have the Case of the Squabbling Siblings, and who is the perpetrator of this most ghastly crime against innocent ears? It’s Nathan and Elliot of Magellans at the Movies, of course! So, grab your nightly stache protector and your favorite Dickens and join us as we attempt to deduce the flaws and strengths of this steam engine enigma.

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How much do you really know about your next door neighbor? I know that Greg might seem like an affable old man who putters around the garden and gives out carrot sticks on Halloween, but haven’t you ever considered that he might be a shape shifting alien with sinister designs not just on you, but the world entire? Enough about my contentious relationship with my local HOA, however, let’s talk movies, specifically The Thing, a 2011 science fiction horror movie directed by Matthis van Heijningen. This prequel to John Carpenter’s 1982 classic of the same name tells the tale of the ill-fated Norwegian outpost that was the first to fall to a malevolent alien parasite capable of assimilating and imitating all life, and it did so to less than stellar reviews. The Thing (2011) may have been a box office bomb and critical failure on release, but is it enough to satisfy first time watchers and original The Thing fans Nathan and Elliot of Magellans at the Movies? Keep your eye on Greg and listen on to find out!

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It’s-a-me, Mario! How many times have you heard those words, be they in the innumerable games that feature Nintendo’s most famous cash cow, or in the shrill falsetto of you and your stupid friends as you play Smash Bros.? Like Star Wars, Mario as a franchise and as a character has transcended the boundaries of medium, language, and culture to become a fixture of global civilization. Practically the figurehead of video games themselves, you would be hard pressed to find someone who didn’t recognize his loud red hat; white gloves; and immaculate blue overalls. From such a marketable brand the cynical minds of Hollywood could not have long remained apart, even after the disastrous adaptation of 93, which is why they had another go at it in 2023 with The Super Mario Bros. Movie, an animated kids’ comedy directed by Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic. Despite a lukewarm reception from critics, this candy-colored bit of cinematic fluff hoovered up cash by the hundreds of millions, breaking records and ensuring that the franchise will be with us until the heat death of the universe. The inevitable sequels and spin offs is a concern of the morrow, however, while we remain in the day, and sufficient for the evil thereof is this fungal adventure of plumbers and princesses. Will it receive a joyful “wah-hoo!” from the Magallens at the Movies, or is it doomed to a despairing “oh-a-noooo!”? Press play to find out!

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