Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. These two women share their stories and also share why they decided to stay with their husbands and support them in their addiction.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:15] Today we hear from two women who have gone through painful marital betrayal.

[2:45] Why did these two women agree to come on and share their painful story today?

[3:50] When Melissa first found out about the betrayal, she didn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. Today, she does.

[6:25] Melissa really felt like everything in her relationship was good…until it wasn’t.

[13:00] What made Melissa throw her husband out of the house?

[14:50] What is betrayal trauma and why do so many partners experience it after finding out about their spouses affairs?

[20:00] Why did Annie stay in her relationship?

[20:55] When discovery happened, Annie had been married nearly 29 years.

[27:25] Dr. Rob defines what ‘porn’ means these days. It’s not just looking at a naked image anymore!

[28:50] Guys look at porn, what’s the big deal?

[31:15] Melissa’s husband would minimize her concerns when he was ‘out late’. She knew something was wrong, but couldn’t quite put her finger on why or what.

[32:45] Melissa’s husband is now upset at himself that he missed so much of his children’s lives because of his addiction.

[36:40] Annie shares that when people found out about her husband’s addiction, all the attention went to him. That’s when she felt so alone.

[38:30] Annie felt a second betrayal from her husband’s CSAT. She was dismissed in her feelings and she had no support!

[40:40] Melissa knew in her gut that something was wrong, so she snooped through his phone. When she found out all the lies and betrayal, she screamed so loud at him that it woke her children up.

[41:15] Melissa found out that their couple’s therapist knew about some of his betrayals and kept this information from her. Dr. Rob said this behavior was a violation of trust for a couple’s therapist. If you’re a therapist, don’t do this!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Jasonvr.com

Jason on LinkedIn

Get Past Your Past

QUOTES:

• “Anything that’s kept secret from the relationship is a betrayal. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a person or not. It’s all kept secrets and it’s all painful.”

• “Decades ago, when women left their husbands, they were scorned. Now, when we stay, they don’t understand.”

• “Just because he screws up doesn’t mean I’m going to throw my lift under a bus.”