Dr. Rob talks with Josh Nichols about common gaslighting tactics addicts and manipulative people tend to use. We like to think the world might be full of these calculating abusers, but often times these tactics are used as a knee-jerk reaction and come from a place of survival. Today, Josh offers some tips on how to spot a gaslighter and what you might be feeling from some of their gaslighting actions.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:10] A little bit about Josh and why he wanted to talk about gaslighting.

[2:55] What’s the difference between gaslighting and lair?

[5:40] Victims feel like they’re going crazy and feel such relief when a therapist finally validates their thoughts.

[8:30] Why do people gaslight other people?

[10:45] A common tactic these people use is to confirm your belief in that person and then they will use this as leverage to deny your own reality.

[14:00] These people tend not to be psychopaths or sociopaths. They’re just trying to maintain control.

[17:25] A person will often try to use different tactics to cover up their gaslighting. What does this look like?

[18:00] There are three archetypes you have to look out for: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer.

[24:25] Unfortunately, gaslighters love to exploit your trust and sense of safety you have with that person.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Familysolutionsok.com

QUOTES:

• “These people are exploiting some kind of vulnerability and they can exploit the trust and love in the relationship.”
• “Addicts have maladaptive coping mechanisms and are really good survivors, and gaslighting becomes one of the tools.”
• “Gaslighters have three different types: The blame shifter, the victim, and the self-shamer.”