Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Josh Nichols on some of the common tactics addicts and abusers use to gaslight their victims. In this episode, Josh focuses on the person who is receiving the gaslight treatment. Whatever you might be going through, there is no shame in staying with your addict. Sometimes the best thing for your family is to work through the issues, and sometimes the best thing for your family is for you to leave. Each case is individual to the person, but the most important thing you should know is that you’re not crazy and that your initial gut reaction is almost always correct!

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:35] Why do abusers work so hard to make someone think they’re crazy?

[3:35] You’re not a bad person if you were on the receiving end of this treatment.

[6:00] Abusers love to discredit your gut feelings and intuition, but your intuition is still accurate, deep down.

[8:25] A healthy person wants to have a conversation about an issue or a feeling they’re having, the gaslighter does not. They want you to be distracted by something else.

[11:45] It’s okay to question someone else’s version of reality.

[13:15] You’re not a weak person for staying with an abuser.

[15:25] What made Josh so interested in this subject?

[19:40] You’re not alone in your pain. There are many people who have had to deal with a gaslighter.

[20:00] You are not this bad person that your abuser has made you out to be!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Familysolutionsok.com

QUOTES:

• “Abusers do it in such a way where they make you feel silly, stupid, or crazy. They teach you to not trust your gut, but your gut is still accurate.”
• “A healthy person wants to have more conversation about it, a gaslighter does not. The whole goal is to get you off my trail.”
• “Sometimes courage is leaving, and sometimes courage is staying.”