(NOTE: We, the producers, apologize for this first episode of the new season transmitted from planet SorryArse).

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee visited the sorriest planet in the known universe. The planet SorryArse. SorryArse is the pitiful excuse for a planet masquerading as an apology of a rotating rock with people living on it.

while dwelling on the planet Sorry-Arse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee had an opportunity to mull over its faecal-encrusted data that was season one of the the podcast.

It confronted the non-stop stream of diarrhoea… (note to editor - it's critical that there are no pauses in the middle of this sentence otherwise you'll think we're referring to “stream of diarrhoea” instead of what we intend to say - “stream of diarrhoea JOKES”)As we were saying… The battery-Operated Magic Toupee mulled over the non-stop stream of diarrhoea jokes, poo gags, and farty sound effects.

It regretfully pondered the lack of intelligence, the lack of sophistication, and the lack of something else it couldn’t can’t recall another word that describes what it should be mentioning here but we can't recall.

While trapped in the self-pitying atmosphere of infectious regret, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee broadcasted its’ mighty apologetic message to an unforgiving universe and promised to keep up the good work for the new season of the battery-operated magic toupee season .

And now The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – season two, episode one… but first “Who's Sorry Now” by Patsy Cline.

As we approach the second series of The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast, we look back at some of t he best of the worst of the best OR the worst of the best of the worst of series 1, including some deleted sketches and odd and ends.

Part 2.

As we approach the second series of The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast, we look back at some of t he best of the worst of the best OR the worst of the best of the worst of series 1, including some deleted sketches and odd and ends. Part 1.

A special encore episode of season 1 episode 10 - full uncut version as we await season 2.

***PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO US FOR THE COMPLETE/ UNEDITED EPISODES***

... and you can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.

After a first season of artistically desolate and painful explorations of exploring new dimensions and bringing back artefacts of sheer stupidity, BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) staggers back to home port with smoking diodes, melting intelligence chips, and smeared faecal on its burnt memory sensors.

With the threat of a season two looming, which will obviously be even worse than season one (if such a thing is possible), BOMT had enough. It urgently needed rest and repair and to have its core intelligence removed and soaked in a therapeutic mixture of stale moose piss and even staler Manduvian Dung whisky.

While the brain was soaking, an archival remanent, originally mistaken for excretion (BOMT poo) floated through the toxic water and rose to the surface.

The producers fished out this sad and sorry final episode and it discovered that it came from the most accurately named planet in the multiverse: Planet Completecrap.

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee- The Podcast not so proudly presents the final episode of season one, the detective thriller: "The Case Of The Exploding Enema Bag - A Sid Bunyons Mystery”

***PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO US FOR THE COMPLETE/ UNEDITED EPISODES***

...and you can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.

On this special penultimate episode of season 1, BOMT stopped on the way to a galaxy that would have been amazing, and could have supplied the best programming of the series, and possibly could have been the best podcast ever made.

But the most spectacular episode of a podcast was never realised since BOMT just stopped, in the dead coldness of space, to ponder the question: “Why is this episode being labelled as ‘the penultimate episode’?”

BOMT asked, “Why be so fucking pretentious and call it the ‘penultimate’? Couldn’t we just call it the ‘next to last’ or ‘the second to last’ or even ‘the not quite the last episode’?” BOMT theorised, “Podcast listeners are going to expect something special and, when they listen to this crap, will be deeply disappointed. “

BOMT decided that calling this episode the ‘penultimate’ is cheesy, cheap, and refused to go along with such crap. BOMT just stood still in deep space and refused to participate in collecting material of such crass dross.

Due to the fact that BOMT stopped transmitting, the producers were forced to use rejected material and outtakes that were deemed too inferior for other episodes.

Be prepared to open your heart and donate lots of money to stop Louisiana Delta Blues Syndrome and be warned: Insert your anus into casual conversations, check yourself into ‘The Stewpid Clinic’, and buy the latest in designer flatulence products: The New Improved Anal Symphony

After a tale awarded not the most moving and inspiring tale of the year as not voted by over three million subscribers, we feature the not life changing, extremely not poignant, not Dutch Love Story. Finally, off to The Senior Citizen Games as Britain competes for the gold in the droopiest ball sack and saggiest tits category.

***PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO US FOR THE COMPLETE/ UNEDITED EPISODES***

... and you can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.

BOMT overstayed its welcome and continued vegetating (no pun intended) on Asparagusto 1, that orb of flatulence inducing green side dish known as the most asparagus-centric society in the multiverse.

Their system of currency is asparagus. This makes shopping difficult since the asparagus in one’s wallet goes putrid and becomes a glomp of stinky vegetable schmutz that ruins one’s wallet.

The typical inhabitant of Asparagus 9 typically goes through 25 wallets a year. This may not sound too bad however, on planet Asparagusto 1, a year lasts for 25 days therefore every citizen needs to shop for a new wallet every day of the year.

Top economists experimented with other currencies, such as cabbage and broccoli, however, though an asparagus-based economy causes its inhabitants to pee bright green, it's still preferable to the impact of immense broccoli farts caused by an alternative currency.

We begin our episode with the answer to people who find themselves unliked and not able to get along with people by asking the question: “Do you suffer from awful personality syndrome?” A review of the latest sex app is reviewed (and it isn’t a spreadsheet since something it isn’t sheets that are being spread), Poopypants Pete features the latest service for people who are too lazy to go to the toilet on their own and for all the listeners with deep psychological problems (and that includes all listeners of this podcast, you too!!!) the latest breakthrough in psychological theory: Literal Method Therapy

***PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO US FOR THE COMPLETE/ UNEDITED EPISODES***

... and you can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.

With a carrot accidently lodged in its back cooling passage, BOMT stumbled upon Planet Asparagusto 1, the most asparagus-centric society in the multiverse, an entire civilization rooted in (no pun intended) asparagus.

On a planet with no intrinsically valuable materials and where nothing valuable, such as gold, exists, the planet’s currency is (and this doesn’t take a psychic to guess): asparagus. Workers toil in the vast asparagus mines (which in reality is just a field but saying ‘workers toil in the vast asparagus fields pulling asparagus out by the roots and take it down to the market’ doesn't sound very impressive).

It is a precarious financial system. On a hot day, if refrigeration fails or if a rat gets into the refrigerated safe, a billionaire can be wiped out.

We begin with another episode of Yes It’s Another Morning where the producer of Yes, It’s Another Morning reviews the secrets of producing a crap morning show as Yes, It’s Another Morning.

Is life too transformational and empowering for you, do you live a transformed life? If so, bring back unworkability and ordinariness in your life with Murad Disempowerment Untransformed Seminars. As this podcast proves, ANYONE can do comedy especially in the new Joey Bambam Fart and Poo joke Academy. And if you can’t be a comedian, we will reveal the way to earn over 1 million in a day through product placement.