After journeying from dimension to dimension and multiverse to multiverse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee was getting lonely. He wanted someone or something to share his life with.

Actually, to be perfectly candid, The battery Operated Magic Toupee wanted to get laid hence it landed onPlookit Four: one of the best planets in the multiverse where one can easily log in to a website and immediately be matched up with either the perfect companion to spend one's life or just have a quickie.

After entering its information under sex and gender (“?” and “??”), The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee went through the extensive questionnaire.

It answered the question, “What is your plan for a romantic evening with a date?”

The horny toupee replied, “ I would take my date to the waste pipes, at the lower end of the sewerage pond, where the dead fish accumulate. I would set up a table of crates and my lover and I would enjoy a colourful buffet of raw diseased fish carcasses and extra stinky rodent halibut. And at the end of a romantic evening – we would wash off any unusual barnacles and crustaceans and then go to the doctor and be examined for STDs (Stinky Terrible Diarrhoea).”

As BOMT gets it off with its date – tune into this latest Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast and try to forget what the Battery Operated Magic Toupee is doing on its date and erase that image from your mind.

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed in the planet U-I-whatever.

U-I-whatever is the planet of social media. It isn't the case that person-to-person interactions are just looked down… they are forbidden. A live conversation, in person, with another being is considered, in the words of the planet’s greatest intellect, “Eeeech… how fucking cringeworthy.”

After an eight-hour live feed of sleep, including instances of unconscious mutterings and the occasional sleep farts, a typical day on U-I- begins with citizens waking up from their slumber and graciously say “thank you to all you wonderful people, I hope you enjoyed watching me sleep.”

Ironically, or just due to poor social planning, no-one ever watches any of the 8 billion podcasts since every person is pooping out their own show 29/8 (there are 29 hours a day and 8 days a week on this planet – which makes life even more torturous),]

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee just sat and watched it’s favourite channel, “The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast.”

And now lets hear The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast… while not as good as or on the same intellectyal level as we get to hear something, not as good as The Doris Finklestein Having Her Evening Bowel Movement Podcast”... it’s the only one we have.

The battery-operated magic toupee landed on the most egocentric planet in the galaxy. ME is a world of PURE self-indulgence and the only planet in the cosmos that demands, under penalty of cancellation, that its name, ME, is always written in capital letters and in bold and underlined.

As soon as The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed on ME launched it’s one battery-operated magic toupee show… which is similar to a one man show but with a battery operated magic toupee instead.

The one Battery Operated Magic Toupee show, entitled “I Toupee” was part one of a five part trilogy. So far no-one on Planet ME or elsewhere has been able to make it to the end of this pretentious vanity snoozefest.

In reviewing the theatrical ‘what-ever-the-fuck-it-is’, Ken Blench, critic for the ‘Egocentric Times’, wrote “… This review is in honour of the ten other critics who did not survive the first painful, agonizing, brain-damaging 15 minutes of this theatrical thing and ceremoniously committed suicide by taking their earplugs out and forcing themselves to listen to the battery-operated magic toupee's second soliloquy, which began, “Oh toupee, oh toupee, battery, battery, oh woe, woe is me, in my splendouristic multidimensional awesomeness.”

And as our favourite Battery Operated Magic Toupee poses naked in a mirror and admires itself – we play the latest episode of the podcast.

(NOTE: We, the producers, apologize for this first episode of the new season transmitted from planet SorryArse).

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee visited the sorriest planet in the known universe. The planet SorryArse. SorryArse is the pitiful excuse for a planet masquerading as an apology of a rotating rock with people living on it.

while dwelling on the planet Sorry-Arse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee had an opportunity to mull over its faecal-encrusted data that was season one of the the podcast.

It confronted the non-stop stream of diarrhoea… (note to editor - it's critical that there are no pauses in the middle of this sentence otherwise you'll think we're referring to “stream of diarrhoea” instead of what we intend to say - “stream of diarrhoea JOKES”)As we were saying… The battery-Operated Magic Toupee mulled over the non-stop stream of diarrhoea jokes, poo gags, and farty sound effects.

It regretfully pondered the lack of intelligence, the lack of sophistication, and the lack of something else it couldn’t can’t recall another word that describes what it should be mentioning here but we can't recall.

While trapped in the self-pitying atmosphere of infectious regret, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee broadcasted its’ mighty apologetic message to an unforgiving universe and promised to keep up the good work for the new season of the battery-operated magic toupee season .

And now The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – season two, episode one… but first “Who's Sorry Now” by Patsy Cline.

As we approach the second series of The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast, we look back at some of the best of the worst of the best… OR the worst of the best of the worst of Series 1, including deleted sketches, weird moments, and the kind of chaotic comedy you never knew you needed.

This episode is your backstage pass to the madness—complete with uncensored outtakes, absurd characters, fart-powered inventions, and surreal storytelling.

If you’re into:

• funny British podcasts

• dark comedy with a twist

• irreverent humour and absurd sketches

• weird podcasts that actually make sense (sometimes)

• comedy podcasts like No Such Thing As A Fish or The Bugle

…then this recap of Season 1 is your perfect entry point (or a great reminder of why you’ve been sticking around for the madness).

🔊 Tune in for laughs, confusion, and

Part 2.

As we approach the second series of The Battery Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast, we look back at some of t he best of the worst of the best OR the worst of the best of the worst of series 1, including some deleted sketches and odd and ends. Part 1.

A special encore episode of season 1 episode 10 - full uncut version as we await season 2.

***PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO US FOR THE COMPLETE/ UNEDITED EPISODES***

... and you can email us at: bomt@bomt.uk.

After a first season of artistically desolate and painful explorations of exploring new dimensions and bringing back artefacts of sheer stupidity, BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) staggers back to home port with smoking diodes, melting intelligence chips, and smeared faecal on its burnt memory sensors.

With the threat of a season two looming, which will obviously be even worse than season one (if such a thing is possible), BOMT had enough. It urgently needed rest and repair and to have its core intelligence removed and soaked in a therapeutic mixture of stale moose piss and even staler Manduvian Dung whisky.

While the brain was soaking, an archival remanent, originally mistaken for excretion (BOMT poo) floated through the toxic water and rose to the surface.

The producers fished out this sad and sorry final episode and it discovered that it came from the most accurately named planet in the multiverse: Planet Completecrap.

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee- The Podcast not so proudly presents the final episode of season one, the detective thriller: "The Case Of The Exploding Enema Bag - A Sid Bunyons Mystery”