What really makes sex good? In this intimate, honest conversation, Zoë and Andrew open up about sex, presence, fantasy, and the myths that can keep us disconnected from authentic desire. They unpack why presence (not performance) defines great sex, how societal and cultural conditioning shape our sexuality, and why real intimacy thrives when we strip away self-imposed constraints. Along the way, they also explore how everyday care and affection build the foundation for a satisfying sex life in long-term relationships. Tune in for a candid, thought-provoking exploration that might just shift the way you think about sex and inspire you to have some powerful conversations of your own!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why presence is at the heart of great sex.

• The mental noise that kills sexual connection.

• How fantasy can deepen intimacy or distract from it.

• Ways that societal norms can distort our sexual expression.

• Six influences that shape our sexuality.

• Why sex education fails us (and what’s missing).

• The unseen impact of everyday affection.

• Cultivating a climate of love and appreciation in long-term relationships.

• Self-expression versus self-suppression in intimacy.

• Insight into the paradox of personal evolution in relationships.

• The power of choosing openness and curiosity over defensiveness.

• Meeting your partner’s needs through giving, receiving, and mutual care.

Quotes:

“We're in this pleasure machinery that's driven by and symbiotic with our imaginations. Wouldn't the healthy thing be to explore that?” — Zoë Kors [0:10:47]

“[Societal norms] are obstacles that are being piled up between two people who are trying to become more intimate and more present.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:11:41]

“What makes sex good in a long-term committed partnership is the constant cultivation of a climate in which both partners feel loved, appreciated, seen, [and] desired. ” — Zoë Kors [0:22:49]

“Relationship is the boot camp of self-realization.” — Zoë Kors [0:28:34]

“Strive to be better. Strive for constant and never-ending improvement.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:31:08]

“Sometimes, receiving is giving to the other person.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:42:00]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

S1E8: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner

The Intimacy Lab: Zoë Kors Substack

Zoë Kors

Andrew Rothmund

Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Today’s Radical Intimacy episode is all about forging through the fire of pain and suffering to emerge stronger than steel and with enhanced emotional intelligence. To lay the foundation of our discussion, Zoë opens up about her recent oral surgery and how that experience forced her to remember even darker days as a student with lymphoma. She begins by describing her recent health challenges and how her bout with cancer when she was in university still affects her today, before explaining her protocol for processing heavy emotions. She unpacks meditation, the mind-body connection, how to overcome trauma cycles, and how physical healing correlates to its emotional counterpart. Then, it’s Andrew’s turn as he details his Stoicism and Zen-informed emotional healing process. We also examine the dangers of resisting pain, the joys of embracing it, and why pain is ultimately the best teacher. To end, we learn why samurai sword-making is akin to emotional healing, and Zoë and Andrew share advice for how to navigate trauma as a couple.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Zoë opens up about her recent health challenges.

• The ins and outs of her oral surgery and the healing complications thereafter.

• How the treatment of her lymphoma when she was 20 influences how she heals today.

• The way Zoë processes overwhelming emotions, especially during her journey with cancer.

• Meditation, the mind-body connection, and overcoming cycles of pain.

• Comparing how her gums healed post-surgery to how we emotionally recover from trauma.

• Stoicism and Zen: Unpacking Andrew’s emotional healing process.

• The dangers of being in denial and resisting versus the joys of embracing your pain.

• What we can learn from Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts.

• Why healing hurts and why pain is the best teacher.

• What the process of making a samurai sword teaches us about forging through pain.

• How to process emotions as a couple.

Quotes:

“When it comes to emotional processing, I find that I’ve had to really train you, [Andrew], and teach you, and tell you instant by instant what I need.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:48]

“I think that I’ve battled my entire adult life. From the time of 20 years old, it’s just [been] powering through.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:39]

“I have felt for a while now, maybe five or six or seven years, that I have some unfinished emotional work or trauma work around having had cancer and gone through that treatment and that experience.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:54]

“Stoicism, especially with the ancient philosophers, it was about not being controlled by your emotions. Not resisting them, but observing them [and] feeling them, [and knowing] my emotions don’t run my life. I run my life” — Andrew Rothmund [0:18:28]

“There’ve been a few times where if my emotions had hair, they would have been on fire. My emotions would’ve been through the streets screaming and wailing until I got a handle on [them].” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:07]

“My thoughts don’t identify me. My feelings don’t identify me. I am the observer of both.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:46]

“To end suffering, you have to acknowledge it exists and you have to accept it.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:29:43]

“Pain is the best teacher. I mean, the most effective teacher – a lot of growth comes from pain.” — Zoë Kors [0:32:46]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Sir Rucifer

Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Everyone, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.” Today on Radical Intimacy, Zoë and Andrew sit down to discuss the concept of ‘a banquet of consequences’ and how it applies to romantic relationships. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about why Andrew thinks life is like a kitchen, why you need to “cook” with consciousness, how your romantic relationships will be affected karmically by your choices, and what it looks like to be mindful, present, and intentional. We delve into the danger of defending yourself so fiercely with your partners before discussing the importance of checking on your relationship every day instead of having a ‘set it and forget it’ mindset. Listeners are even reminded that ‘all of you is welcome,’ good and bad! Finally, our hosts stress the importance of helping each other reframe the idea of failure. To hear all this and so much more, be sure to tune in now! And if you want to hear something specific on the show, be sure to email Zoë your suggestions and requests.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why life is a kitchen and the importance of “cooking” with consciousness.

• How these karmic concepts apply to romantic relationships.

• The importance of being intentional, present, and mindful, and how to do that.

• Why we defend ourselves, and the danger of doing so in relationships.

• The power of removing your ego and focusing on intention vs. impact.

• Why you constantly need to check in with your relationship.

• A reminder that ‘all of you is welcome!’

• Why you need to help your partner reframe the idea of failure.

Quotes:

“Our day-to-day habits and how we interact with our partner become our recipe [and] our patterns become menus.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:07:55]

“Our relationships – are a tasting menu for the growth of our soul or the lack of growth.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:08:25]

“Sometimes, [you should] stop trying to ‘do the work’ and just celebrate. Just say, “I love you!” — Zoë Kors [0:36:32]

“All of you is welcome!” — Zoë Kors [0:37:42]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Robert Louis Stevenson

Andrew Rothmund on Instagram

Zoë Kors

Zoë Kors Email Address

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book

Zoë’s Program

Zoë’s Coaching

Zoë’s Retreat