What really makes sex good? In this intimate, honest conversation, Zoë and Andrew open up about sex, presence, fantasy, and the myths that can keep us disconnected from authentic desire. They unpack why presence (not performance) defines great sex, how societal and cultural conditioning shape our sexuality, and why real intimacy thrives when we strip away self-imposed constraints. Along the way, they also explore how everyday care and affection build the foundation for a satisfying sex life in long-term relationships. Tune in for a candid, thought-provoking exploration that might just shift the way you think about sex and inspire you to have some powerful conversations of your own!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why presence is at the heart of great sex.

• The mental noise that kills sexual connection.

• How fantasy can deepen intimacy or distract from it.

• Ways that societal norms can distort our sexual expression.

• Six influences that shape our sexuality.

• Why sex education fails us (and what’s missing).

• The unseen impact of everyday affection.

• Cultivating a climate of love and appreciation in long-term relationships.

• Self-expression versus self-suppression in intimacy.

• Insight into the paradox of personal evolution in relationships.

• The power of choosing openness and curiosity over defensiveness.

• Meeting your partner’s needs through giving, receiving, and mutual care.

Quotes:

“We're in this pleasure machinery that's driven by and symbiotic with our imaginations. Wouldn't the healthy thing be to explore that?” — Zoë Kors [0:10:47]

“[Societal norms] are obstacles that are being piled up between two people who are trying to become more intimate and more present.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:11:41]

“What makes sex good in a long-term committed partnership is the constant cultivation of a climate in which both partners feel loved, appreciated, seen, [and] desired. ” — Zoë Kors [0:22:49]

“Relationship is the boot camp of self-realization.” — Zoë Kors [0:28:34]

“Strive to be better. Strive for constant and never-ending improvement.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:31:08]

“Sometimes, receiving is giving to the other person.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:42:00]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

S1E8: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner

The Intimacy Lab: Zoë Kors Substack

Zoë Kors

Andrew Rothmund

Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Today’s Radical Intimacy episode is all about forging through the fire of pain and suffering to emerge stronger than steel and with enhanced emotional intelligence. To lay the foundation of our discussion, Zoë opens up about her recent oral surgery and how that experience forced her to remember even darker days as a student with lymphoma. She begins by describing her recent health challenges and how her bout with cancer when she was in university still affects her today, before explaining her protocol for processing heavy emotions. She unpacks meditation, the mind-body connection, how to overcome trauma cycles, and how physical healing correlates to its emotional counterpart. Then, it’s Andrew’s turn as he details his Stoicism and Zen-informed emotional healing process. We also examine the dangers of resisting pain, the joys of embracing it, and why pain is ultimately the best teacher. To end, we learn why samurai sword-making is akin to emotional healing, and Zoë and Andrew share advice for how to navigate trauma as a couple.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Zoë opens up about her recent health challenges.

• The ins and outs of her oral surgery and the healing complications thereafter.

• How the treatment of her lymphoma when she was 20 influences how she heals today.

• The way Zoë processes overwhelming emotions, especially during her journey with cancer.

• Meditation, the mind-body connection, and overcoming cycles of pain.

• Comparing how her gums healed post-surgery to how we emotionally recover from trauma.

• Stoicism and Zen: Unpacking Andrew’s emotional healing process.

• The dangers of being in denial and resisting versus the joys of embracing your pain.

• What we can learn from Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts.

• Why healing hurts and why pain is the best teacher.

• What the process of making a samurai sword teaches us about forging through pain.

• How to process emotions as a couple.

Quotes:

“When it comes to emotional processing, I find that I’ve had to really train you, [Andrew], and teach you, and tell you instant by instant what I need.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:48]

“I think that I’ve battled my entire adult life. From the time of 20 years old, it’s just [been] powering through.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:39]

“I have felt for a while now, maybe five or six or seven years, that I have some unfinished emotional work or trauma work around having had cancer and gone through that treatment and that experience.” — Zoë Kors [0:11:54]

“Stoicism, especially with the ancient philosophers, it was about not being controlled by your emotions. Not resisting them, but observing them [and] feeling them, [and knowing] my emotions don’t run my life. I run my life” — Andrew Rothmund [0:18:28]

“There’ve been a few times where if my emotions had hair, they would have been on fire. My emotions would’ve been through the streets screaming and wailing until I got a handle on [them].” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:07]

“My thoughts don’t identify me. My feelings don’t identify me. I am the observer of both.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:19:46]

“To end suffering, you have to acknowledge it exists and you have to accept it.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:29:43]

“Pain is the best teacher. I mean, the most effective teacher – a lot of growth comes from pain.” — Zoë Kors [0:32:46]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Sir Rucifer

Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Everyone, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.” Today on Radical Intimacy, Zoë and Andrew sit down to discuss the concept of ‘a banquet of consequences’ and how it applies to romantic relationships. Tuning in, you’ll hear all about why Andrew thinks life is like a kitchen, why you need to “cook” with consciousness, how your romantic relationships will be affected karmically by your choices, and what it looks like to be mindful, present, and intentional. We delve into the danger of defending yourself so fiercely with your partners before discussing the importance of checking on your relationship every day instead of having a ‘set it and forget it’ mindset. Listeners are even reminded that ‘all of you is welcome,’ good and bad! Finally, our hosts stress the importance of helping each other reframe the idea of failure. To hear all this and so much more, be sure to tune in now! And if you want to hear something specific on the show, be sure to email Zoë your suggestions and requests.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why life is a kitchen and the importance of “cooking” with consciousness.

• How these karmic concepts apply to romantic relationships.

• The importance of being intentional, present, and mindful, and how to do that.

• Why we defend ourselves, and the danger of doing so in relationships.

• The power of removing your ego and focusing on intention vs. impact.

• Why you constantly need to check in with your relationship.

• A reminder that ‘all of you is welcome!’

• Why you need to help your partner reframe the idea of failure.

Quotes:

“Our day-to-day habits and how we interact with our partner become our recipe [and] our patterns become menus.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:07:55]

“Our relationships – are a tasting menu for the growth of our soul or the lack of growth.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:08:25]

“Sometimes, [you should] stop trying to ‘do the work’ and just celebrate. Just say, “I love you!” — Zoë Kors [0:36:32]

“All of you is welcome!” — Zoë Kors [0:37:42]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Robert Louis Stevenson

Andrew Rothmund on Instagram

Zoë Kors

Zoë Kors Email Address

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book

Zoë’s Program

Zoë’s Coaching

Zoë’s Retreat

What does it mean to truly connect in a world that’s always online? In this episode of the Radical Intimacy Podcast, Zoë and her husband, Andrew, reflect on a spontaneous moment of connection that they experienced while waiting for friends that reminded them of the power of “relating off-grid.” They explore how presence, free from devices and distractions, can reignite intimacy, reset nervous systems, and strengthen the emotional bond in relationships. From the neuroscience behind dopamine hits to mindful morning rituals, Zoë and Andrew unpack how technology can shape our relational habits and offer simple, practical ways to reclaim connection, including starting your day with your partner instead of your phone. For a candid, playful, and deeply insightful take on what it means to be present with yourself and with the ones you love, tune in today!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Relating off-grid: a spontaneous moment of deep connection.

• Why presence resets the emotional energy in relationships.

• Zoë’s take on technology, productivity, and disconnection.

• Dopamine hits and the illusion of urgency.

• Simple morning rituals for grounding and intimacy.

• The power of stopping at literal and emotional stop signs.

• How mindfulness and embodiment support intimacy and connection.

• Benefits of simply noticing how often you're distracted.

• An invitation to share a quiet moment with your partner.

Quotes:

“[It] is essential for any relationship – to connect with the moment, connect with the here and now, and bring it all back to the present moment.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:22:34]

“Let the world penetrate you through your five senses. – Every human being on the planet during these times would benefit from connecting with the world around us and how it lands somatically.” — Zoë Kors [0:26:25]

“You have to surrender to ‘here we are’: two beings in bodies sharing a moment together. It’s delicious.” — Zoë Kors[0:32:29]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book

Zoë’s Program

Zoë’s Coaching

Zoë’s Retreat

What does it mean to be free? More specifically, how does freedom manifest in love? Today’s conversation with Zoë and Andrew begins with Zoë expressing her impatience with her healing process after oral surgery and her praise for Andrew for taking care of her throughout. Then, we dive into the definition of freedom and why we’ve chosen it as today’s topic before examining what freedom in a relationship looks and feels like. We also learn how to seek understanding without judgment, why curiosity matters, why Zoë and Andrew are freer now than in any of their previous relationships, and how one’s upbringing influences one’s view of freedom in a relationship. To end, we unpack the importance of being open to receiving and accepting love, and we explore self-love as the best starting point and pathway to achieving relationship freedom.

Key Points From This Episode:

• Zoë’s current state after her recent oral surgery and praise for Andrew’s attentive care.

• Defining “freedom” and why we’ve chosen it as today’s topic.

• How freedom manifests in love: what freedom in a relationship looks and feels like.

• Seeking understanding without assigning blame, looking inward, and curiosity.

• How judgment kills relationships.

• Why Zoë and Andrew feel freer in their marriage compared to previous relationships.

• Lovemaps: how upbringing influences one’s understanding of freedom in a relationship.

• Why it’s vital to be open to receiving and accepting love.

• Exploring self-love as the best preparation for freedom in a relationship.

Quotes:

“I get to enjoy the gift of giving and it’s part of my love language – and I get to see you flourish.” — Andrew [0:01:41]

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” — Zoë Kors [0:02:54]

“One of the things that I really value – is curiosity. I value a partner or a friend or conversations in which somebody is curious.” — Zoë Kors [0:10:56]

“Freedom also requires a certain level of trust.” — Zoë Kors [0:20:53]

“Sometimes, [staying in abusive relationships] it’s because people don’t know what else there is out there. They don’t know how good it could be.” — Andrew [0:26:05]

“Being loved and receiving someone’s love doesn’t mean, necessarily, that they become a burden. You’re anything but a burden.” — Zoë Kors [0:32:09]

“If you don’t love yourself, how can you allow somebody to love you? If you don’t love yourself, it’s also harder to love the other person.” — Andrew [0:35:16]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book

Zoë’s Program

Zoë’s Coaching

Zoë’s Retreat

The road to partnership isn’t always linear, especially when one of you is fiercely independent and the other is ready to settle down. In this candid season opener, Radical Intimacy returns from a three-year hiatus with a deeply honest and often hilarious conversation between Zoë Kors and her husband Andrew, who joins as co-host for the first time. You’ll hear how they met, what made their three-hour first date over tea and firelight so memorable, and why Zoë almost ended things just as they were getting good. Along the way, they reflect on what it takes to move past fear, redefine independence, and build a partnership rooted in mutual respect, curiosity, and emotional growth. Join us as we relaunch the show and set the tone for a new season of radically real conversations!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Introducing Zoë’s husband, Andrew, co-host for season two.

• The unlikely story of how they met online and started dating.

• Zoë and Andrew’s first date and the factors that made it so special.

• The importance of mutual curiosity and conversation in early dating.

• How past dating patterns and power dynamics had shaped Zoë’s expectations.

• The different places Zoë and Andrew were in when they started dating.

• How a birthday almost became a breakup (and the moment that shifted everything).

• Navigating fear of commitment, independence, and self-protection.

• The moment Zoë finally chose to stay and what made Andrew almost walk away.

• How spiritual and emotional readiness created a strong foundation for their relationship.

• Redefining partnership as a conscious choice, not a loss of freedom.

Quotes:

“I [had] spent 12 years [being] intentionally single. I would date, but I wasn't dating to find a life partner. I had really just enjoyed people's company, and the whole thing was like a big laboratory.” — Zoë Kors [0:12:17]

“The conversation was so good, I felt like I should have had a cigarette afterwards.” — Andrew [0:13:56]

“I wasn't looking to fill a hole. I did that with my Zen training and my decades and decades of spiritual journey.” — Andrew [0:30:49]

“I'm always scared of losing freedom.” — Zoë Kors [0:31:30]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book

Zoë’s Program

Zoë’s Coaching

Zoë’s Retreat

In my first solo episode of The Radical Intimacy Podcast, I read the first Chapter of my upcoming book, Radical Intimacy: Cultivate the Deeply Connected Relationships You Desire and Deserve. In this first chapter, "More Than Sex," I share my perspective of intimacy by drawing two important distinctions: 1. That intimacy is much more complex and dimensional than just sex. Of course, sex is one part of intimacy, but there's more. 2. That our limited understanding of intimacy has the achievement of it dependent on someone or something outside of ourselves. In actuality, the nature of intimacy is vast and readily accessible to each and every one of us individually. I also talk about my own sexless ten year marriage in my 20s, and how that set me on a lifelong exploration and understanding of all kinds of intimacy on all levels. If you like what you hear in this episode, there are thirteen more chapters and a collection of exercises and practices which will help you create the deeply connected life you desire and deserve.

BUY THE BOOK HERE

Zoë Kors’ Links:

Zoë’s Website

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Coral: Sexual Wellness App

Welcome to another episode of the Radical Intimacy podcast! Today we are joined by licensed psychotherapist, sexuality counselor, and best-selling author, Dr. Ian Kerner to talk about sex scripts. We find out what a sex script is, exactly, and how the structure of it makes room for spontaneity in the bedroom. Dr. Kerner shares his approach to encouraging couples to rewrite their sex scripts in therapy, and what his clients typically find challenging. We discuss the power of psychological arousal, open communication, and shared fantasy, as well as the important distinction between consensual and non-consensual objectification. Furthermore, Dr. Kerner shares his insight into the damaging repercussions of pornography, and the principal differences between mainstream and ethical porn. Tune in to find out how to rewrite your sex script!

Key Points From This Episode:

• What inspired Dr. Ian Kerner to write So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex and what the title signifies, in terms of his sex therapy approach.

• What a sex script is and why it’s important to structure your sex life.

• The power of psychological arousal.

• The benefits of sexual dialogue and shared fantasy.

• What it means to have safety in a sexual relationship.

• Face-to-face psychological arousal versus side-by-side experiences.

• The ethical erotica available to us!

• How people are yet to exercise and explore their erotic imagination.

• The difference between consensual objectification and non-consensual objectification.

• The damaging repercussions of pornography.

• The difference between mainstream porn and ethical porn.

• Sex as a resource for positivity in a relationship.

• The importance of communication with yourself and your partner.


Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Dr. Ian Kerner

Dr. Ian Kerner on Twitter

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex Our Love Lives

Ian Kerner TED Talk


Zoë Kors’ Links:

Zoë’s Website

Zoë’s Book: Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast

Coral: Sexual Wellness App