There’s a version of abuse that presents as calm and reasonable. It doesn’t look chaotic, and at first, it doesn’t even feel that way. It feels quiet and measured. It sounds like someone who wants to work through things. Someone who seems thoughtful and emotionally attuned.

Under the surface, there’s control, pressure, and a constant pull to make you question whether your reactions are valid, whether your needs are too much, and whether you’re the one creating the problem.

In this episode, I share a case study from my own experience—one that illustrates how the cycle of emotional abuse can play out through over-explaining, emotional caretaking, and subtle self-betrayal.

If you’ve ever felt like your nervous system was screaming while your partner calmly told you everything was fine, this episode will help you name what’s happening.

This episode is part of Unhooked, my private podcast series on mapping the cycle of abuse—especially the kind that doesn’t look like abuse from the outside.

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

In this episode, I share the story that shaped everything: how I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship, how I stayed, and how I finally saw it for what it was.

This is the manipulation I didn’t see—until I did.

I talk about the slow unraveling of my reality, the gaslighting, the shame, the trauma bond, and the hope that kept me stuck. I explain how I lost myself piece by piece, how I started to map the cycle, and what it took to finally break free.

If you’ve ever felt confused, blamed, minimized, or like nothing you do is ever enough, I hope you hear your own clarity in this episode. You're not overreacting. You're not imagining it. You're not the problem. You’re waking up—and once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Thank you for being here with me. I hope my story helps you see yours more clearly.

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

If you’ve ever felt like you were stuck in a relationship that kept repeating the same painful patterns—no matter how much you tried to fix it—this episode is for you.

In this episode, learn how the cycle of abuse plays out in emotionally abusive relationships—not as a clean four-part theory, but as a lived, messy, repetitive trap that keeps survivors hooked through false hope and temporary calm.

You’ll learn:

• How to identify your specific version of the abuse cycle
• Why tension, incident, reconciliation, and “calm” aren’t always linear
• How abusers manipulate the calm phase to keep you hooked
• What it means when someone is addicted to reconciling, not repairing
• How to start mapping your own cycle—so you can break it

This is not about blaming you. It’s about giving you the clarity you were never allowed to have.

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This is one of the most common—and most heartbreaking—questions I hear: Can a narcissist change? In this episode of You Are Not Crazy, I’m walking you through the reality behind that question.

The short answer? Maybe—but almost never.

Real change requires emotional accountability, humility, and deep psychological work… and most narcissists aren’t willing to do that. Not because they can’t—but because they don’t see the need. In this episode, we explore why narcissistic change is so rare, how survivors get stuck waiting for the version of their partner that never existed, and what it means to reclaim your clarity instead of waiting for someone else's transformation.

I also share a personal reflection on what helped me break free from the fantasy of potential and face the truth of what was in front of me.

You’ll learn:

• Why even accurate criticism feels unbearable to a narcissist
• What it actually takes to change—and why most won’t
• How the trauma bond keeps you holding on
• How to stop waiting and start healing

✨ This episode pairs with my new course Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse, designed to help you make sense of the chaos and see your relationship clearly. Find it at emotionalabusecoach.com.

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

When you're breaking a trauma bond or coming to terms with the end of a manipulative relationship, it doesn’t just bruise you—it shatters something inside. This kind of grief defies logic. You’re not just mourning a relationship. You’re grieving the version of you who believed in it, the future you imagined, and the love you gave so fully.

I walk through what this heartbreak really is—and what it isn’t. It’s not weakness. It’s not over-sensitivity. It’s a nervous system crash after prolonged emotional chaos. It’s what happens when your love was real, but the relationship was built on manipulation, betrayal, or broken promises.

Inside this episode:

• Why grief after narcissistic abuse feels unbearable
• The emotional rollercoaster of detaching from someone who hurt you
• How shame, self-blame, and rumination keep you stuck
• Why you still miss them, even when they treated you badly
• A reminder that your pain is a reflection of your depth—not a flaw

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

What happens when the person you fought so hard to love turns out to be incapable of loving you back? What do you do with the grief, the self-doubt, and the tidal wave of confusion that follows?

In this raw and deeply personal episode, I unpack what it means to love someone with traits of Cluster B personality disorders—specifically, narcissistic and borderline features—and why walking away doesn’t bring immediate peace. I share the story of how my relationship ended, the impossible ultimatum I was given, and the unraveling that came after.

We explore:

• Why you still miss them even though they hurt you
• The reality of trauma bonding and emotional addiction
• What it means to be with someone who can imitate love but not sustain it
• The devastation of being blamed for everything, including their own behavior
• The disorienting grief that follows when you're mourning the illusion, not the reality
• What healing actually looks like when you finally choose yourself

This episode is for anyone who left a relationship and still doesn’t understand why it hurts so much. For the person who can’t stop blaming themselves. For the survivor who is starting to realize: it wasn’t you. It was never you.

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

We dive into the Trauma Bond: how it forms, why it's so hard to leave, and what recovery really looks like. This isn't just about red flags or textbook definitions. This is about the lived experience—the confusion, the craving for relief, the grief that shows up even when you finally leave.

I walk through the invisible hooks that keep survivors attached: intermittent reinforcement, emotional manipulation disguised as love, and the powerful conditioning that teaches us to find safety in what's familiar—even when it hurts. I also share pieces of my own story, including what it felt like to be silenced, blamed, and slowly erased in a relationship that mirrored old wounds I hadn’t yet healed.

You’ll hear about:

• The difference between love and emotional captivity
• How trauma bonds are wired into your nervous system
• Why you still miss them even after they hurt you
• What gaslighting does to your sense of self
• How to begin un-gaslighting yourself and rebuild your truth

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

What do you do when the person you love explodes—and it has nothing to do with you, but you’re the one absorbing the damage?

In today’s episode, I’m talking about a very specific and disorienting experience: the emotional outbursts that often come from people with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These episodes are not “just” arguments. They’re dysregulated storms—sudden, intense, and often terrifying—that leave you feeling blamed, spun, and emotionally shredded.

I break down what’s actually happening in these moments, why they feel so confusing, and how to begin separating yourself from the chaos. We’ll explore:

• What BPD-patterned emotional storms really are
• Why it feels like you’re being punished for something you didn’t do
• How to recognize these moments as trauma responses, not mutual conflict
• What helped me stop spiraling when I was stuck in these cycles
• The difference between compassion and self-sacrifice
• Why you’re not crazy for being overwhelmed, and why this isn’t your fault

This episode isn’t about diagnosing anyone. It’s about giving language to what survivors are living through—so you can stop blaming yourself, start validating your reality, and begin choosing peace over chaos.

If this resonates, I invite you to check out my full Substack series on Cluster B abuse patterns: https://jessicaknightcoaching.substack.com/

Support the show

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner