It’s interesting to know that one of the common regrets of the dying is not realising the full benefits of old friendships.

It’s only up to their dying weeks do some come to the realisation and by then it is difficult to track them down.

As individuals we often get ourselves caught up in our own lives and over time we let our friendships fade over the years.

Have you been guilty of this?

Some friendship naturally grow apart over time, and that is ok – we often grow at different times and some friendship are for a season.

Some friendship have come to an end by choice may be due to a disagreement or a realisation and sometimes years later we reflect and feel we could have reacted differently.

Some friendship have broken down due to a lack of effort.

If you are reflecting on some friendship it is good to notice the causes to help you build and improve them.

Showing your friends appreciation goes a long way, whether it would be as simple as writing a card or a letter to them, or taking them out for an appreciation meal.

We sometimes overlook the things that matter in life, and the best thing to do is take time out and reflect deeply on your relationships.

• Work on communication
  • Ask questions like “What can I change to improve this friendship”
  • Work out and understand each other – one of the biggest causes of conflict is misunderstanding and expectations
• Frequency, make a commitment to speak, see each other on a regular basis
• Find events that you share common interests

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/9049120/Losing-touch-with-friends-most-common-deathbed-regret.html

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-wish-had-stayed-touch-my-friends-sharnee-bennett/

https://www.bhavinionline.com/tag/regret-i-wish-i-had-stayed-in-touch-with-my-friends/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

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In todays society many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

The truth is that we cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.” – Bronnie Ware, Author of the Book “The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying”.

On a personal level, I never used to express or feel my feelings (Ola). In my lifetime I had learnt to bury my feelings deep within me to ignore them and pretend they don’t exist. In my own mind “weak people” had feelings and expressed them. But I had feelings. They simmered within me feelings of anger, disappointment, bitterness, rage, disillusionment, jealousy, resignation, shame, guilt, apathy, loneliness, sadness, pain & fear.

Reasons for this behaviour include conflict phobia, emotional perfectionism, fear of rejection, passive aggressive behaviour, negative notions of what a man is and show be, low self esteem, spontaneity, mind reading, martyrdom, and a high need to solve problems.

Because I didn’t express my feelings this meant that I acted differently in front of people, put on a fake false self. I did not make myself available to others, I withdrew from people and I was not fully present or engaged. I would also often overreact to the slightest slight and ultimately lived life in a drama fuelled haze that felt totally crazy. I held onto unhealed and confused feelings far too long and felt weighed down by the whole thing.

Learning how to express my feelings was basically like learning how to walk.

Once I learnt how to express my feelings, it felt like a major release. In truth a major victory. I learnt how to acknowledge how I feel, address the source of those feelings, stay open & vulnerable and to let the emotion run it’s course.

It has been completely freeing, liberating and positive to my life learning these new skills.

Finding the courage to express my feelings continues to be a major source of my day to day inspiration, and for that I will be forever grateful.

As such, I encourage and implore you all to express how you are truly feeling, especially with your loved ones

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