Today I with my sponsor about Step 4. I began to see the self-inventory in a new way, broken down into three parts. The first is the traditional part of writing downd my resentments and identifying my role in those relationships. What surfaces for me is a fear of abandonment. That fear has shown up in so many ways throughout my life, including pulling away from people before they have the chance to leave me. That’s the non-interesting part of my step 4 this time as it continues to be a theme in my life, but I’m working on it.

The interesting parts of Step 4 are those which I realized today. They are dissecting acceptance so that I can better achieve it in my relationships. First, recognizing that everyone has “their stuff”, as my sponsor always says. Everyone brings their own pain and experiences into relationships, just like I do. That awareness creates room for empathy. And then the last part is acknowledging that I can’t change other people. That doesn’t mean I’m okay with how they treated me, but it means I’m no longer wishing they were different. That’s where real freedom comes in. This way of looking at Step 4 today helped me take more meaningful responsibility, without shame, and gave me a way to approach the most painful resentments with more compassion and clarity.

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For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#Step4Recovery #SoberLiving #TwelveSteps #EmotionalSobriety #LetGoAndLetGod #HealingJourney #FearOfAbandonment #SpiritualGrowth #RecoveryTools #OneDayAtATime

One of the scariest things I’ve done was let go of what I believed to be the truth about how to survive in this stressful world. My nervous system was shot. One could visibly see me shaking and hear my stomach doing gymnastics. To defend the life I’d built and settle my trembling hands, I had to drink. So, taking off that armor by denying myself alcohol was like casting me out naked in front of the world.

There’s a stage in early recovery, I like to call the “naked zone”, where we’ve stopped drinking but haven’t yet received the benefits of the program or learned the tools to manage life sober. That zone is vulnerable but unavoidable. Without the structure of the program and the people around me, I would’ve been swallowed by it. I just kept showing up because that’s what my sober friends told me to do.

My ego was blocking me from learning that my self-constructed truth was a mirage. Desperation cracked open my ego just enough to let the light of the program in. I began to hear other alcoholics sharing the thoughts that were in my head. And with that my ego quietly and gently broke down leaving me in tears. Those tears represented the years of pain my ego was protecting. Today I walk in a joyful truth that doesn’t require armor.

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For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#SoberLiving #LetGoAndLetGod #RecoveryJourney #EmotionalSobriety #OpenMindOpenHeart #EgoInCheck #OneDayAtATime #SurrenderToWin #HealingInProgress #TeachableSpirit

Today I was thinking about the quiet voice inside me. It’s not the one that I call self-talk that likes to beat me up. It’s the one that tells me what “the next right thing” is. I had a long talk with my mom today about life and death, and I thought about how much energy exists inside us while we’re alive. When someone passes, it fascinates me to think about where that energy goes. I’ve come to imagine that it becomes a part of my Higher Power, the force that is everything outside of me that pulls me forward through my life. It comforts me to believe that the energy from the people I’ve lost is still here fueling my sobriety and healing. That belief brings me peace in grief and gives purpose to the voice I hear guiding me through hard stuff.

That voice used to sound very different. When I was drinking, the voice inside my head was impulsive, selfish, and destructive. It served up instant gratification and shame. But today, in sobriety and stroke recovery, I hear a different voice when I pause instead of react. It’s quieter, patient, and tender. It reminds me to rest, show up for life, and do the right thing even when I don’t want to. The voice remains steady and forgiving when I don’t listen to it.

So, what do you believe that voice is? I’m learning to trust it, pause and listen, and believe that everything is okay right this minute, even when I don’t have all the answers.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#SoberLiving #EmotionalSobriety #HealingJourney #StrokeRecovery #HigherPower #InnerVoice #GriefHealing #MindfulRecovery #TrustTheProcess #SpiritualGrowth

I recently decided to reconnect with a part of my life I had left behind. After graduating from Longwood College, I disconnected from Zeta Tau Alpha, the women’s fraternity I belonged to. For years, I avoided because college left me with memories of sadness, low self-worth, and heavy drinking. Even though I loved the women around me, I never felt whole or that I had anything worthy to offer. I masked deep insecurity with alcohol and unhealthy relationships, always believing I didn’t measure up. When one of my dearest sisters passed away recently, I was overwhelmed by an unexpected wave of love and appreciation for the bond we shared as sisters in ZTA and the Panhellenic Council. In her honor, I rejoined Zeta through ZTAlways, the fraternity's Virtual Alumnae Membership Experience. It felt like a meaningful step toward healing and reconnection.

Alcoholism is often called the “lonely disease,” and that hollow feeling stayed with me long after graduation. Alcohol temporarily filled the emptiness, but when it wore off, I felt even more alone and broken. Today, I fight that old narrative by choosing connection intentionally. Social media is one way I do that. It now serves a deeper purpose in my life as a recovering alcoholic with a vestibular disorder that often keeps me physically isolated. Isolation is dangerous for me, and connection is my medicine. So, thank you for showing up for me today. 😉

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For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#AlcoholRecovery #SoberLiving #MentalHealthAwareness #SisterhoodStrong #HealingJourney #YouAreNotAlone #LonelyDisease #ConnectionIsMedicine #RecoveryCommunity #ZetaTauAlpha

Someone recently shared how frustrated they were with coworkers, and it took me right back. Work sometimes felt like a pressure cooker where everyone was trying to protect and meet their own goals, making resentments easy. Even though I usually got along with people, there was always that one person who consumed me with frustration. To manage the building resentment, I’d write their name down and stick it in my God box. Eventually they would move on to another company, and within months a new face took on that character’s role in my workday. Looking back, that should’ve shown me the issue wasn’t them. It was the nature of the environment and how I responded to it.

A literature reading today reminded me that after working the 12 steps, we’re encouraged to work the traditions too. I never thought about applying them beyond my sobriety. But at closer examination Tradition One, “Our common welfare should come first”, made sense. That mindset belongs in every group I’m part of, including family, friends, work, and support groups. Heck, it applies here on Facebook too, doesn’t it?

When I show up with the intention to contribute and connect instead of protect and defend, it shifts my attitude. Even pausing to really listen when I ask someone how they’re doing creates connection. Intentions shape attitudes. And when I lead with good intentions, the peace I’m looking for usually finds me.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#IntentionsMatter #EmotionalSobriety #WorkplaceWellness #LetGoLetGod #SpiritualPrinciples #TwelveTraditions #ResentmentRecovery #CommonWelfareFirst #MindfulLiving #ConnectionOverControl

When things go wrong, my emotional reflex has always been to fix it. Doing something about it was pouring a drink and making a drastic decision to escape the yucky feelings. I hated sitting in the unknown. My anxiety was through the roof. Drinking gave me the illusion that I was doing something about it, but I was only making things worse. Living that way was like gambling on horse races to survive, and I lost the race every day.

Sitting in discomfort without trying to outrun isn’t so scary anymore. I still want to fix and control things, but now I pause. I talk to my people. I let the moment breathe. That stillness becomes more comfortable than the drastic measures I used to take. Not everything needs to be solved today. I’m learning to trust the process and let life move in its speed instead of mine.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#emotionalsobriety #spiritualawakening #recoveryjourney #alcoholfreeliving #faithoverfear #growththroughdiscomfort #uncertaintytostrength #mentalhealthmatters #onedayatatime #letgoandletgod

I used to live in a constant state of anxiety. I was always bracing for something to go wrong. Everything was already wrong. I was dying a slow alcoholic death, and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I no longer carry shame about that part of my journey. It wasn’t a graceful decision to change. It felt more like being dropped into the deep end. But I had to hit the bottom of hopelessness to start listening without judgement.

I didn’t know how to live in the moment I was in; I was always in the past or the future. I had to learn to slow my mind down. Practicing meditation helped me learn how to sit still so that my mind could learn how to still. Everything inside me wants to move, but with each experience I’m getting better at patience. My faith and trust are becoming something I’m living inside instead of something I’m blindly falling back into. Consistent action and patience have shaped my recovery path.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#spiritualawakening #recoveryjourney #faithinrecovery #came2believe #mentalhealthrecovery #emotionalsobriety #meditationpractice #patienceandaction #surrendertowin #nextthingright

During a recent virtual sobriety meditation meeting, I was sitting peacefully still as the chair played a beautiful piece of music he had carefully selected for us. Just as I was settling into that serene space, a YouTube ad unexpectedly blared through the speakers. The chair quickly scrambled to silence it, clearly frustrated, despite having tested the video beforehand. The interruption startled me, but what lingered was my concern for his serenity. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he must’ve felt embarrassed and disappointed. He had done the work to prevent the very thing that happened. But, as life tends to, things didn’t go according to plan.

That moment stirred up thoughts about the tension between control and surrender. I realized how often I am anticipating the other shoe to drop, trying to control everything, forgetting how little control I truly have. The chair’s experience reminded me that disruptions are just part of living. My faith has grown from blind trust, to lived experience, to evidential trust. But none of that could have happened without first surrendering. Just as that small disruption in the meeting became a reflection point for me, so too can all of life’s interruptions become opportunities to learn.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

For more information, visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#recoverycommunity #mindfulnesspractice #acceptancejourney #emotionalsobriety #spiritualgrowth #livinginrecovery #faithoverfear #surrenderingcontrol #dailyreflections #mentalwellness